A Meeting Place For Grieving Dads

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by Joe Mudd on November 17, 2010

Being a grieving dad is no fun. It has all this emotion stuff. Let’s face it, most of us guys aren’t too good with that kind of stuff. And the resources geared toward grieving dads seem to be limited.

Kelley Farley, a two time grieving dad, is trying to improve that. He’s working on a book for and about grieving dads. He also has a blog.

One of the posts on Kelly’s blog, Nightmares Have Taken the Place of Dreams, has become something of a meeting place for dads trying to deal with the loss of a child.

In his blog post he shares the story of Jody Dark Eagle Breedlove, who lost his son to suicide two years ago. It is a very powerful story and a testimony of the struggles of dealing with this sort of huge loss.

Other dads left encouragement for Jody in the comments. Jody responded.

The post was written in June. It has continued to be a place where dads come to post in the comments when they need a little help from their fellow grieving dads. It’s not the normal way blog posts work, but there’s really nothing normal about dealing with the loss of a child.

So maybe you might like to check it out. You should probably bookmark it so you don’t have to search for it every time you go on Kelley’s blog like I do.

Oh, if you leave a comment make sure to check the box to get notified when a new comment is added so you can stay in touch.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Joel Feldman December 7, 2010 at 6:31 pm

I have been a member of “your group” since July of 2009 when my twenty-one year old daughter Casey died. I just came across this site and it helps. Moms and Dads and grief and the way oters approach our grief. Your recent posts and the comments reminded me of my experience on election day that I wrote about:

How is your wife doing?

Today I voted at the polling place I have been going to for more than twenty years. No less than four of the regulars-the poll workers-asked me how Di was doing. They all wanted me to tell her that they think of her often and especially when they see the pink tree. I was glad that they were so concerned for Di. After I left it occurred to me that not a single person asked me how I was doing. As the realization hit me I had a very strong emotional reaction–I started to laugh. It was , I am guessing, easier to ask me about Di than to ask me about myself. Perhaps they were more comfortable with a second hand story of grief than hearing about it first hand from me and not knowing how I would react to their question.

I do remember when Casey was about two and a half years old I took her into the same voting machine and let her flip the levers for the candidates that I wanted .

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Joe Mudd December 10, 2010 at 12:37 pm

Joel I’m sorry you’re a member of our group.

I know what you’re talking about. I get a lot of the “how’s Debbie doing?” questions. But I have to admit, I wonder the how she’s doing myself a lot of times.

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Denise January 8, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Yes how do they think we are doing . They want us to be better because it will make them feel better , because they don’t have or want to deal with the everyday pain we go through. Society makes you mask your pain after a while because they think you should be ‘over it” It is never over, one mother said it gets softer( maybe so) People try to fix you but the sooner they accept that they can’t the better off WE will be . I am Humpty Dumpty You know the poem the broken can’t be fixed, they need comfort and understanding.

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