Posts tagged as:

Grieving

When Should You Return to Work?

Thumbnail image for When Should You Return to Work? March 10, 2010

A big question many of us must face after lossing a child is when do I go back to work?
Most are probably like me – you need the money, so you have to go back as soon as your employer’s funeral leave has ended.
My employer gives us 5 days paid time off for the loss [...]

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Miracles

Thumbnail image for Miracles February 24, 2010

Church can be a dangerous place for a grieving parent.
In his sermon Sunday, Father Bill mentioned some miracles. He started with several taken from the Bible, including the story of Christ raising a little dead girl back to life.
Father Bill then told us of a local family. One of the boy’s in the family was getting [...]

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Perpetual French Fries

Thumbnail image for Perpetual French Fries February 4, 2010

I don’t guess this really has that much to do with grieving, but it’s sort of amazing.
In the week before Christmas I was on vacation. Debbie wasn’t, and since she works at our church, Christmas is one of her busy seasons.
I went in to help her one morning with some stuff to get ready for [...]

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The Grief Roller Coaster

Thumbnail image for The Grief Roller Coaster January 19, 2010

Life after lossing a child has been a big roller coaster ride.
There have been a lot of deep plunges into the unknown.
And then there have been times the track has leveled out, maybe even climbed a small hill or two.
But the ride continues and the path ahead is uncertain.
Right now the track has smoothed out [...]

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Ambush

Thumbnail image for Ambush January 9, 2010

Debbie needed something for show-and-tell time at the next Compassionate Friends meeting. She was supposed to bring something that was important to Richard or something he was proud of. The idea was for everyone to show their item and tell the story about what it meant in the life of their child.
She asked me to [...]

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You Have No Idea How Much

Thumbnail image for You Have No Idea How Much January 7, 2010

Got snowed in today.
Debbie took the occasion to clean out the drawers in the kitchen cabinets.  In one of the drawers were many old greeting cards.
She handed me one.
It was a birthday card from Richard to me. The front of the card is above. The inside is below.

Yes Richard, it does get me right there.
I [...]

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Christmas Morning 2009

Thumbnail image for Christmas Morning 2009 December 25, 2009

Dear Richard,
It’s Christmas.
You’re not here. It’s not the same without you.
No country ham. We did have bacon, nice and crispy but not burnt.
Sarah passed out the gifts. You weren’t sitting cross-legged on the floor to get yours. Your stocking was empty. Unless you count all the thoughts of love that we sent out to you.
It [...]

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A Christmas Letter to God

Thumbnail image for A Christmas Letter to God December 15, 2009

Dear God,
I hope this letter finds you well. How are things in heaven? I hope all is going well. I guess they’d have to be pretty good, or they wouldn’t call it heaven would they?
Down here on earth they say you are all knowing and all powerful. That you never screw up. In fact they [...]

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Precious Child by Karen Taylor-Good

Thumbnail image for Precious Child by Karen Taylor-Good December 13, 2009

We will be attending the Worldwide Candle Lighting tomorrow.  On the web page about this event there is a video. It features the song Precious Child by Karen Taylor-Good. The song grabbed me. It’s beautiful and amazing. I found a video on YouTube that just has the song – no info about the Candle Lighting.
Warning [...]

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The Trees Fall

Thumbnail image for The Trees Fall November 24, 2009

We’ve had our house for more than 25 years.  There is a huge maple tree beside the house. It’s not in very good shape. We’ve feared it would come crashing down on the house. For most of the 25 years we’ve been here, there’ve been plans to have that tree – and others – cut [...]

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Emotional Tug-of-War

Thumbnail image for Emotional Tug-of-War November 23, 2009

Last week was a bad week.
Maybe it was because the holidays are getting near- Thanksgiving is this week, Christmas just around the corner. Maybe it’s because they’ve been advertising the benefits of generic drugs at work – but they left out the dead kid benefit part of the story.
It could also be today is the [...]

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Saying Goodbye a Bit at a Time

Thumbnail image for Saying Goodbye a Bit at a Time November 20, 2009

I finally canceled Richard’s cell phone.
For nearly six months we’ve been paying for that phone. And it has just sat there on the divider between our kitchen and TV rooms doing nothing. No phone calls. No text messages. Nothing.
So why did we waste all that money?
Because it’s just hard as hell to let go of [...]

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I Just Want To Scream!

Thumbnail image for I Just Want To Scream! November 20, 2009

There have been times since Richard died that I want to scream. Very loudly, at the top of my lungs. In anger.
Yesterday at work was one of those times.
We are going through our annual process of signing up for benefits for next year. During this period they have various insurance and health care service providers [...]

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Full of Joy?

Thumbnail image for Full of Joy? October 27, 2009

The Responsorial Psalm at mass yesterday got my attention. It was:
“The Lord has done great things for us. We are filled with joy.”
Filled with joy?
It’s now been five months since Richard left us.
I’ll admit the Lord has done great things for us. And I’m grateful for them. Honest.
And I keep trying to figure out what [...]

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Questions with No Answers

Thumbnail image for Questions with No Answers October 23, 2009

The death of your child leaves you with a lot of questions.
There are lots of “what if” and “why didn’t I” type questions. The ones that come from that guilty feeling that you should have done something to prevent this.
But I have other questions. Questions I’ll never be able to answer.

The day before Richard died [...]

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Saying Thank You Shouldn’t Be So Tough

Thumbnail image for Saying Thank You Shouldn’t Be So Tough October 13, 2009

After Richard’s funeral we wrote thank you cards like crazy.
We sent one to just about everyone that signed our guest book at the funeral home. And to all the people that sent flowers or food. We sent out several huge piles.
We tried to avoid being too generic, and put personal notes in each card. We [...]

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The Four Month Report

Thumbnail image for The Four Month Report September 28, 2009

It has now been 4 months since the “official” date of Richard’s death.
Just thought I’d list a few observations about where we are in our grieving process.
I don’t cry as much. Not openly. I cry inside just as much. I still miss my kid.
Debbie and I go to work everyday. We’ve done this since about [...]

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Franklin on Death

Thumbnail image for Franklin on Death September 18, 2009

The founders of our nation were pretty smart folks.
Following the death of his brother John Franklin, Benjamin Franklin wrote this letter to Elizabeth Hubbard, his brothers stepdaughter, on February 22, 1756
Dear Child,
I condole with you, we have lost a most dear and valuable relation, but it is the will of God and Nature that these [...]

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