Let’s get one thing clear right at the start… that isn’t a picture 0f me.
Most of the images used on this site came from my camera. But not that one. I bought that one. And I’ve never eaten more than half a pie at one time.
Oh, and another thing. Debbie tells me she’s gained weight since Richard’s death too. I’ve never noticed. Nope. She still looks just the same to me. Being the sweet lady she is, I think she was just trying to make me feel better, because….
I’ve gained weight since Richard died.
Since my first days in college at the University of Kentucky, I’ve had trouble staying thin. My meal plan at the cafeteria let me have one helping of the main entre, and as much of everything else as I wanted. They had good french fries. I think I had about ten plates full a day. Loved those fries.
I was also much less involved in sports. Not being on a team anymore, I no longer had a mandated training schedule.
So I got fat.
But a couple of years before Richard died I lost weight. They had a “Greatest Loser” contest at work, and I signed up.
Losing the weight turned out to be pretty easy for me. I just changed the way I ate. What I call, “Eat Less, More Often.” Smaller meals but more of them. Healthy snacks like raw fruit and vegetables.
And I kept the weight off after the contest ended. It was easy. So easy, I gave away all the clothes I had shrunk out of. I wasn’t looking back.
And then the world turned upside down.
Jon Gabriel is author of The Gabriel Method – The Revolutionary Diet-Free Way to Totally Transform Your Body. He’s a really smart guy, and he’s put a great deal of energy and research into finding a way to lose weight. He did it because he was huge, and probably not going to be around long if he didn’t shed some pounds. He lost over 220 pounds. That’s more than I weighed when Richard died.
Gabriel attributes weight gain to mindset, mostly a response to stress.
Having one of your children die causes stress. LOTS of stress.
When I feel stress I like to nibble constantly. I’m always snacking. And when I’m stressed out, I can tell you, I don’t look for carrot sticks. I want something fast and easy. Something salty like chips. Or chocolate. Ice cream is nice too.
I don’t do that so much now. I’ve tried to get back to eating like before. But so far I’m not getting the results I want.
According to Gabriel, when our bodies react to stress, we store fat like crazy. Some primal force within us makes our metabolism slow down, and all the fat storage chemicals ramp up. Weight gain is a really stupid self defense strategy, but it’s what our bodies do.
Most grieving parents probably don’t get a closet full of clothes when they lose their child. I did. I was wearing the same size clothes as Richard, so I inherited all his stuff. I wear them often. Maybe gaining weight is my hearts way of telling me that it’s just wrong I have those clothes now and not him. Could my body be trying to force me out of his clothes in the hope he’ll come back and claim them?
I’d be glad to eat a whole pie, with a carton of ice cream on top every day if that would work to bring him back.
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