Debbie needed something for show-and-tell time at the next Compassionate Friends meeting. She was supposed to bring something that was important to Richard or something he was proud of. The idea was for everyone to show their item and tell the story about what it meant in the life of their child.

She asked me to think of something.

Later I remembered Richard’s Frisbee in the trunk of his car. A lover of all sports, Richard often played Ultimate Frisbee. I thought about him smiling while he went all out, full speed ahead, trying to win.

And wham, the tears started running down my cheeks.

I wasn’t expecting that. But that’s how it still is, even after 8 months.

You just never know when it will hit you or what will trigger it.

I looked out the kitchen window and saw several bright red cardinal birds sitting in the lilac bush. From the sunroom windows I could see a cardinal on each of the bird feeders in the backyard and several more on the ground and in the trees nearby.

In a Kentucky Wildcat Big Blue family, Richard professed to be a University of Louisville Cardinal fan. I think it was mostly fake. He followed UK closer than UL. But he loved to aggravate his uncle Stuart, his grandpa and me.

Could all the cardinals have been a sign from Richard that he’s OK?

Probably they were a sign that it was cold and snowy out, and they were just getting some food where they could.

But who knows, I’m keeping an open mind.

I miss you kid.