I always take off from work several days before the Christmas break. I did so this year too.
So I was able to go to a meeting of The Compassionate Friends at our local chapter in Frankfort KY last night. This is one of the more active chapters going. They hold a meeting twice each month. The norm is once per month.
There were four men there. We were out numbered by the ladies by about 2 to 1. Of the four men, three of us are named Joe. I have no idea if that means anything, but it’s interesting anyway.
The meeting started with each of us introducing ourselves and telling a little about our child. Counting Debbie and myself there were three of us that had lost our child within the past 6 months. At the other end of the spectrum there was a couple that lost their child nearly 21 years ago.
This led into a natural spin off to issues of handling grief.
As expected, those of us that have recently become bereaved parents still feel pain in a very raw and overwhelming way. What really made an impact on me is how intrense that pain still is for those parents that have been facing this problem for years. I knew it would be something that we’d never really “get over” but I didn’t really realize just how powerful that feeling remains. This is a long hard road that lays before us.
We had a long discussion about getting through the Christmas season.
Almost none of the people there listen to Christmas music. Even those that lost a child years ago. One of the couples said they no longer exchange gifts. One said he avoids going into Walmart during the holiday season. This must mean he only goes in there about half the year, because it seems they start playing Christmas music right after the 4th of July holiday.
The general consensus was the desire to fast forward past the holidays completely.
Yep, I agree the holidays are really tough. I’ve been on the edge for the past month. But I don’t want to completely avoid everyone during the season. My family has been a big part of surviving this for both of us. I still want to be with them on Christmas. I would like to skip the gift giving part though.
We had a little food and fellowship. Just talking about our kids and our grief experience with people that are living it too.
Our friends and family want to help, but they have no idea how. We have no idea how either. But TCF gives us a chance to spend time with people that understand this horrible mess in a way no one else can.
It’s a long hard road. Maybe it’s best to not travel it alone.
5 responses to “My First Compassionate Friends Meeting”
[…] KY and the regional coordinator. Debbie has been to a few meetings there and we both went to the last meeting before […]
I love the website and the chance to give thoughts in writing. I wish I had been at that meeting you attended before Christmas. My thoughts are some what different than others on the holidays. Our family has been on the grief journey 7 + years now and continue to celebrate the holidays as painful as the first Christmas was. We made a family decision to continue celebrating for our daughter’s sake who was still at home. Her world had been shaken enough with the death of her brother without taking the family celebrations from her as well. Just our thought on the subject. It’s hard but gets softer as each year passes. Our family time is precious, even more so now that Jacob is no longer with us in the flesh. I couldn’t imagine not celebrating Christmas with our family and spending time together. They don’t always understand or know what to say but who better to be with than those that love you no matter what. We incorporate Jacob into all special days, wether his absence is symbolized by a vase of fresh cut yellow (his favorite color) flowers or giving a gift in his memory. Jacob will always be remembered.
As Dinah Taylor says, signed by a “Fellow Traveler”.
Karen C.
@Karen. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You’re right, family is very important for us.
I hope to meet you at the workshop in March.
i would like to find a group in the, or close to the Granada Hills area. I’ve been put this off for too long. I feel like I am hurting my 13 yr old daughter. I just can’t get past the loss of my son. Please help me I feel so alone.
Janet, I am sorry for the loss of your son. Its been five years since we lost our Richard. I miss him every day! You’re not alone! I don’t know where Granada Hills is located, but if you check the Compassionate Friends national web site they have a page to help locate a chapter close to you.
http://www.compassionatefriends.org should take you to their main page. I hope you find a chapter and give them a try. They certainly helped me. Good Luck and God Bless.