Grieving Parent

Category: Comforting Thoughts

  • Butterflies

    Butterflies

    It is fall. A nice time to be outside.

    Debbie was in the backyard cooking our supper on the grill. Grilling may be the husband’s job in most households but we like the food to be edible when it’s done, so Debbie usually handles this chore. I was riding around on my lawnmower.

    Debbie motioned for me.

    I went over to the grill. She pointed up at the tree behind her, the one she was facing while doing her cooking.

    There were butterflies all over it. Hundreds of them. They were flying all around that tree. We didn’t see them anywhere else, just that tree in front of Debbie.

    We’ve never seen this happen before.

    A lot of people and bereaved parent support groups use butterflies as symbols. They represent the idea of leaving the old body behind and being reborn into the spirit world.

    Could these butterflies have been a sign from Richard?

    I don’t know. Until recent events, I’ve never thought about this stuff.

    I know we’ve never seen a big invasion of butterflies before. We didn’t see them anywhere but right there on that tree in front of us. Like they were giving us a show, or sending us a message.

    As the sun set they covered that tree.

    In the morning they were gone.

    A sign?

  • New Attitude on Dying

    New Attitude on Dying

    OK I’ll admit it. The idea of dying has always scared me to death.

    I’ve never wanted to do it.

    After I reached my 50th birthday I figured I had just started living my second fifty years. I’ve always wanted to live as long as possible.

    Losing one of my children has changed my attitude.

    If I have any chance to see my kid again, it will come through death.

    No I don’t have any plans to speed the process up. But it’s no longer so scary.

    Maybe part of this is because I feel I’ve lost a big part of my reason for life. Yes that’s silly. I still have much to be thankful and happy for. But I do feel lost.

    And I do want to see Richard again. He doesn’t seem to be able to come to me, so I’ll have to go to him. Only one way to do that.

    So when the time comes, I won’t be so afraid.

  • Gifts at the Grave

    Gifts at the Grave

    I visited Richard’s grave the other day and found a new addition – pictured above.

    Richard had many good friends. His passing affected them as well as it did us. They miss him too.

    They visit his grave. We’ve been there a few times when they’ve arrived.

    Other times they’ve left clues. Like these soft drinks that were Richard’s favorites.

    It’s comforting to know that they cared about our kid. And that they still think about him and pray for him. We’re glad he had them in his life.

  • The Richard Book

    The Richard Book

    Debbie’s birthday was last month.

    Her gift from our daughter Sarah arrived from Texas the other day. In the enclosed birthday card, Sarah instructed her mom to share the gift with me. There was a pack of Kleenex attached to the gift, warning of an emotional surprise inside.

    It was a special gift indeed.

    Inside was a custom-made book that Sarah created for us.

    Within the leather bound covers were 30+ pages of Richard pictures. Many of the glossy pages also had Bible verses or other quotes that Sarah had selected.

    There was the letter I wrote for display at the funeral home. And Father Bill’s sermon from the funeral mass.

    It had to take Sarah a lot of time and thought to make this beautiful book. It will be a family heirloom.

    The tissues were a good touch too.

  • Franklin on Death

    Franklin on Death

    The founders of our nation were pretty smart folks.

    Following the death of his brother John Franklin, Benjamin Franklin wrote this letter to Elizabeth Hubbard, his brothers stepdaughter, on February 22, 1756

    Dear Child,

    I condole with you, we have lost a most dear and valuable relation, but it is the will of God and Nature that these mortal bodies be laid aside, when the soul is to enter into real life: ’tis rather an embrio state, a preparation for living: a man is not completely born until he be dead: Why then should we grieve that a new child is born among the immortals? A new member added to thier happy society? We are spirits. That bodies should be lent us, while they can afford us pleasure, assist us in acquiring knowledge, or doing good to our fellow creatures, is a kind and benevolent act of God. When they become unfit for these purposes and afford us pain instead of pleasure — instead of an aid, become an incumbrance and answer none of the intentions for which they were given, it is equally kind and benevolent that a way is provided by which we may get rid of them. Death is that way. We ourselves prudently choose a partial death. In some cases a mangled painful limb, which cannot be restored, we willingly cut off. He who plucks out a tooth, parts with it freely since the pain goes with it, and he that quits the whole body, parts at once with all pains and possibilities of pain and diseases it was liable to or capable of making him suffer.

    Our friend and we are invited abroad on a party of pleasure–that is to last forever. His chair was first ready and he is gone before us. We could not all conveniengly start together, and why should you and I be grieved at this, since we are soon to follow, and we know where to find him.

    Addieu.
    B. F.