Tonight we went to the Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting at Frankfort, KY.
This is a memorial service for the parents, family and friends of our lost children. We honor the memory of our child with music, poems, a slide show and a candle lighting service. This event happens in each time zone all over the world. Sort of the grieving parent version of doing the wave as candles are lit in sequence around the world.
I went fully intending to not cry.
Yeah, yeah… I know all about how it’s OK for men to cry – that real men cry and all that stuff. And I don’t apologize for shedding tears for Richard. I miss him tremendously. But I don’t like crying in front of a bunch of people. People I’ve never met. Even when many of them are also shedding tears.
So I wasn’t going to cry.
But there was one problem. The song Precious Child.
I stumbled onto Precious Child yesterday while checking the Compassionate Friends website for info on the Candle Lighting. That song is used in the video they had on the site.
Precious Child grabbed my heart. Hard. The lyrics are all the thoughts and feelings I’ve had for the last 6 months, but didn’t have the talent to express out loud.
And it made the tears flow.
So I had to find out who did that song. I searched and found the website of the artist – Karen Taylor-Good. And I downloaded the song. And I played it. And tears streamed down. And I played it more. And cried more.
I was sure this tune would be part of the Candle Lighting, so if I was going to avoid the public display of tears I would need to become immune to it’s powerful effect on my heart. I needed a vaccine for Precious Child.
So I played it over and over and over. I listened to it at least 100 times. Probably more.
I know this sounds compulsive and it probably is. But that’s how I’ve always been. I hear a song that touches me for some reason and I have to hear it over and over. Sometime for hours.
And I listened to Precious Child. And listened.
I like to sing along. But I could never get through singing Precious Child without getting choked up.
And so we went to the Candle Lighting. And sure enough, it was featured during the program. But it wasn’t the recorded version by Karen Taylor-Good. It was to be performed by Kathy Casey. So maybe there was hope for me. Maybe Kathy Casey wouldn’t do such a good job, and I’d be able to control myself.
But as soon as she opened her mouth I knew I was toast. She sang beautifully.
And the tears welled in my eyes. And they rolled down my checks and fell into Debbie’s hair.
And the tears flowed when Richard’s picture showed on the screen. And during the Candle Lighting part of the service.
There were a lot of people there. And most of the pictures showed young people, like Richard. Young people that were loved and are greatly missed.
And we are not alone. But I wish we were.
