Grieving Parent

Tag: Comforting Thoughts

  • A Nice Call

    A Nice Call

    Got a call from Dusty Rhodes today.

    Dusty is Chapter Leader of The Compassionate Friends of Frankfort, KY and the regional coordinator. Debbie has been to a few meetings there and we both went to the last meeting before Christmas.

    Dusty called to just let us know he was thinking about us. This is our first Christmas without Richard. Having lost his son several years ago, he knew this would be a tough time for us.

    It was nice of him to take the time to check up on us. This is still a tough time for him too.

  • The Story Behind “Precious Child”

    The Story Behind “Precious Child”

    While searching for information about the Worldwide Candle Lighting I stumbled upon the song “Precious Child.” Or maybe I should say I was grabbed by the song. It really had a strong affect on me.

    Because this song had such a strong affect on me, I went searching for the artist. “Precious Child was written and performed by Karen Taylor-Good. While at her website I left a message on her guestbook.

    Well, I was surprised the other day to find a message from Karen in my email box.

    Karen wrote a very nice note. She told me the story of how she came to write this powerful song.

    I asked her to let me post that message here and she gave her permission.

    Here is her note to me:

    Dear Joe,
    I want to thank you so much for taking the time to write to me about “Precious Child”.

    I read many of the entries on your website….and want to tell you how very sorry I am about the loss of your son, Richard. He sounds like an amazing young man.

    I’ve only witnessed what it’s like to be a bereaved parent from the sidelines….my nephew Paul was murdered when he was 21, and I watched my sister go through that tremendous grief. I know that only those of you who’ve been through it can understand it, or have any idea what it’s like.

    Bonnie, my sister, became involved with the Compassionate Friends, and was helping them plan their meeting in Nashville several years ago. She asked me if I would come and sing something.

    We both wondered what I would sing….we thought about my song “How Can I Help You Say Goodbye”, but although it’s about loss, it’s pretty “mother” specific. I asked her to give me a few days to see if anything came.

    I was up at the Waffle House the next morning, with my husband Dennis. In the middle of breakfast, I started hearing the song……..in all of the 500+ songs that I’ve written, this has NEVER happened before…or since.

    I asked Dennis to please stop talking,

    I grabbed a pen from our waitress, a waffle house napkin, and I wrote down the song…..using numbers for the notes….the whole thing just came.

    I recorded it a week later, and we passed it by her “committee”…..who wondered if I had used the words “precious child” too many times…..and a couple of other nit-picky things that I said….”nope…not changing it” to……….but then, they asked if I would change this line….to account for the many varying beliefs of all the parents who might hear the song:

    What I HEARD and what I wrote down was:
    ……God knows I want to see you, feel you, touch you….and I KNOW there’s a heaven and some day I will again………

    This is not particularly my belief….I have no real, set religious beliefs….I’m open to many ideas….not so open to many others…..but this is what I heard.

    They asked me to please change it….so I did….to “MAYBE there’s a heaven….”

    Just thought it was important to share that with you, dear Joe….not that it could possibly make your grief any less.

    I am honored that the song is speaking to your heart. I know that I was simply used as an instrument to get it out to you, and to my sister, and to other bereaved parents.

    My love to you and your family….
    Karen

    Having talked to Karen a few times now via email, I find that she is not only very talented, but a generous and nice lady as well.

    Thanks Karen.

  • Christmas Memories

    Christmas Memories

    Richard with a snow globeOf our three children, Richard probably looked most forward to Christmas.

    He was four months old on his first Christmas. After we put the tree up we brought Richard into the room and put him on the floor in front of the tree. He lit up just like that tree. He just squealed and laughed. He wriggled and pushed those little arms and legs, trying with all his might to get over to the tree. He loved it.

    As he got older he would always like to go over, lie down under the tree and look up at the lights from below.

    He also loved the little snow globe that we set out at Christmas time. He would shake it up and watch the snow swirl around Santa over and over again. He’s holding one of these in the picture above.

    Last year Debbie bought him a really nice snow globe. It has a wood base and a glass globe. And a music box built in. It was on the desk in his apartment when he died.

    This snow globe was on Richard's desk in his apartment.
    This snow globe was on Richard’s desk in his apartment.

    Richard insisted on following our family traditions. Wouldn’t hear of changing things.

    We still had to put up his stocking every year. Always had to have country ham for breakfast.

    The kids bedrooms are upstairs. When they were young they always had to stay upstairs on Christmas morning until we said it was OK to come down.

    They might wake up an hour before we did, but they had to just wait on the old folks. They’d gather at the top of the stairs and try to peek down. Often we’d just lie in bed and listen to them. They’d be whispering to each other.

    “Are they up yet?”

    “I don’t see them anywhere.”

    “Can you see any presents?”

    “No, it’s too dark.”

    Little by little their volume would increase. Finally they’d give up and start yelling at us to wake up.

    I’d drag things out to tease them.

    “Can we come down now?”

    “No, we have get the tree lit up first.”

    “Hurry up”  “Can we come down NOW?”

    “Nope, I have to get the camera ready.” And on it would go.

    Last year Richard was 22 at Christmas. He still waited at the top of the stairs for the all clear from mom and dad.

  • Our First Candle Lighting Ceremony

    Our First Candle Lighting Ceremony

    Tonight we went to the Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting at Frankfort, KY.

    This is a memorial service for the parents, family and friends of our lost children. We honor the memory of our child with music, poems, a slide show and a candle lighting service. This event happens in each time zone all over the world. Sort of the grieving parent version of doing the wave as candles are lit in sequence around the world.

    I went fully intending to not cry.

    Yeah, yeah… I know all about how it’s OK for men to cry – that real men cry and all that stuff. And I don’t apologize for shedding tears for Richard. I miss him tremendously. But I don’t like crying in front of a bunch of people. People I’ve never met. Even when many of them are also shedding tears.

    So I wasn’t going to cry.

    But there was one problem. The song Precious Child.

    I stumbled onto Precious Child yesterday while checking the Compassionate Friends website for info on the Candle Lighting. That song is used in the video they had on the site.

    Precious Child grabbed my heart. Hard. The lyrics are all the thoughts and feelings I’ve had for the last 6 months, but didn’t have the talent to express out loud.

    And it made the tears flow.

    So I had to find out who did that song. I searched and found the website of the artist – Karen Taylor-Good. And I downloaded the song.  And I played it. And tears streamed down. And I played it more. And cried more.

    I was sure this tune would be part of the Candle Lighting, so if I was going to avoid the public display of tears I would need to become immune to it’s powerful effect on my heart. I needed a vaccine for Precious Child.

    So I played it over and over and over. I listened to it at least 100 times. Probably more.

    I know this sounds compulsive and it probably is. But that’s how I’ve always been. I hear a song that touches me for some reason and I have to hear it over and over. Sometime for hours.

    And I listened to Precious Child. And listened.

    I like to sing along. But I could never get through singing Precious Child without getting choked up.

    And so we went to the Candle Lighting. And sure enough, it was featured during the program. But it wasn’t the recorded version by Karen Taylor-Good. It was to be performed by Kathy Casey. So maybe there was hope for me. Maybe Kathy Casey wouldn’t do such a good job, and I’d be able to control myself.

    But as soon as she opened her mouth I knew I was toast. She sang beautifully.

    And the tears welled in my eyes. And they rolled down my checks and fell into Debbie’s hair.

    And the tears flowed when Richard’s picture showed on the screen. And during the Candle Lighting part of the service.

    There were a lot of people there. And most of the pictures showed young people, like Richard. Young people that were loved and are greatly missed.

    And we are not alone. But I wish we were.

  • Precious Child by Karen Taylor-Good

    Precious Child by Karen Taylor-Good

    We will be attending the Worldwide Candle Lighting tomorrow.  On the web page about this event there is a video. It features the song Precious Child by Karen Taylor-Good. The song grabbed me. It’s beautiful and amazing. I found a video on YouTube that just has the song – no info about the Candle Lighting.

    Warning – if you’ve lost a child, this video will make you cry. Sometime you just need to cry. Here is the perfect mood music for the occasion.

    The lyrics say it all.

    In my dreams, you are alive and well
    Precious child, precious child
    In my mind, I see you clear as a bell
    Precious child, precious child

    In my soul, there is a hole
    That can never be filled
    But in my heart, there is hope
    ‘Cause you are with me still

    In my heart, you live on
    Always there never gone
    Precious child, you left too soon
    Tho’ it may be true that we’re apart
    You will live forever… in my heart

    In my plans, I was the first to leave
    Precious child, precious child
    But in this world, I was left here to grieve
    Precious child, my precious child

    In my soul, there is a hole
    That can never be filled
    But in my heart there is hope
    And you are with me still

    In my heart you live on
    Always there, never gone
    Precious child, you left too soon,
    Tho’ it may be true that we’re apart
    You will live forever… in my heart

    God knows I want to hold you,
    See you, touch you
    And maybe there’s a heaven
    And someday I will again
    Please know you are not forgotten until then

    In my heart you live on
    Always there never gone
    Precious child, you left too soon
    Tho’ it may be true that we’re apart
    You will live forever… in my heart

    You can get a CD single from The Compassionate Friends website. You can download a free mp3 of the song from Karen Taylor-Good’s website.