Grieving Parent

Blog

  • Memorializing FaceBook

    Memorializing FaceBook

    Richard had a Facebook account. Not too surprising, nearly every college kid does.

    It’s sort of a piece of his life, dangling out there in cyberspace.

    Debbie was one of his “friends” on Facebook. I wasn’t.

    Facebook started out being limited to students only. Later they opened it up to everyone, and all us old people invaded the young people’s turf. I didn’t request to be friends with our kids or our nieces because I didn’t want them to feel like I was snooping. I decided to let them make the first move. Richard never sent that friend request.

    Debbie likes to go on his profile from time to time. His friends leave comments. It’s important to us to have his Facebook profile stay there.

    But he hasn’t logged on in a long time. Facebook has made many changes and Richard hasn’t been there to respond.

    So we’re worried his profile might be deleted someday. Debbie says that would feel like losing him all over again.

    So we looked for some way to protect his account. And Facebook has something.

    You can memorialize the profile of a deceased loved one. The “wall” remains active, so family and friends (active Facebook friends only) can post to the wall. The account is secured and locked down.

    So we requested to have his account memorialized.

    If you need to do this for someone you love here is the link to the Facebook form:

    http://www.facebook.com/help/contact.php?show_form=deceased

  • Mr. Honesty

    Mr. Honesty

    Early in our marriage we decided to become a one-income family so Debbie could stay home with the kids.

    This of course was tough for our young family to do. Money was tight. We had to do without and find bargains wherever we could.

    Debbie and the kids were grocery shopping.  As they wheeled down the sugar isle she was delighted to find a bargain price for sugar. I don’t know how it is at your house, but with three kids, we went through a lot of sugar. This was one of those special deals, a super low price, used to get customers in the door. It was much lower than the normal price.

    It was an ideal time to stock up.

    One problem – the special price was limited – one per customer. But with Debbie and the three kids as customers, she could get four bags at the super low bargain price. Great!!

    She put a bag in the cart and started passing each of the kids a bag, so they could take it through the checkout line.

    Time to save some money.

    But Richard didn’t want to play along. “I’m not a customer mom.”

    Debbie tried to explain how to play the grocery game. How he would be a customer when he bought his bag of sugar.

    “That would be cheating. I’m not really a customer. That’s lying.” Tears started running down his cheeks. His ethics could not be swayed.

    We got one bag of bargain sugar.

    Just for the record Richard, if you get the Internet up there and you’re reading this, I think it would’ve been OK to get the cheap sugar. You really would have been a customer if you only bought one bag of sugar.

    And also for the record, I was always really proud of your honesty and integrity. Even when it cost us money.

  • Another Birthday

    Another Birthday

    Today is Richard’s birthday. He would be/is 24 today.

    This one has been harder than the last. Last year his birthday was just 3 months from his death. In fact, we had just gotten his death certificate a couple of weeks before that. We were still numb. The Novocain of early grief has worn off.

    Richard was the special intention for the 8am mass at church. Debbie doesn’t remember if she set that up or if someone else did, but like all the other “Richard Masses” we went to this one.

    We then went to the cemetery.

    I was planning to do some sprucing up around his grave. Recut the edges and put down new mulch. But there has been very little rain over the last several weeks. The ground was like concrete. I couldn’t get the edger tool more than an inch or so into the ground. So I decided to wait till later – like this fall – when the ground is a bit softer. I put the mulch around my mom’s stone instead.

    We put some balloons by Richard’s grave and watered the flowers that were sagging pretty badly.

    A couple of guys at work share Richard’s birthdate. So I had a birthday cake made with their names on it. I’m taking birthday cake and ice cream with a bunch of toppings to work today. The guys at work might think it’s a celebration for them. One of them is my boss, so I’ll probably be accused of sucking up to the man.

    That’s OK. Richard will know who that cake and ice cream are really for.

    Happy Birthday kid – I miss you.

  • Note To Rush Limbaugh

    Note To Rush Limbaugh

    Dear Rush,

    I was listening to your program this afternoon when you told us about your friends, the Hasara family – the one’s that became a part of this terrible club.

    It was a story that brought a lump to my throat. We’re getting close to the second time we’ve had to celebrate our son Richard’s birthday without him. Birthdays are tough for bereaved parents.

    Like your friends we were very blessed when our son came into our lives. He was a treat – most of the time. He was a Rush baby too. We homeschooled him till he was in high school, and your show was part of the curriculum. I have a lot of books about our founders, American history and conservative politics. Yes, your books are on my shelves. I planned to leave my library to Richard someday – the parts of it he hadn’t swiped from me already. Unfortunately I have my books back now. And I inherited his.

    It’s not supposed to work that way.

    I’m glad the Hasara’s had you to help them in their time of crisis. When your child dies it sends you into a fog. You have all this activity and planning, but you’re in shock at the same time. It’s good to have someone you can depend on to take over some of the details. We went through all the funeral events for Richard. I know we greeted a lot of people, and got a lot of hugs. We even managed a smile here and there. But I have no idea how that happened. It was just something we had to do for our kid. One last thing we could do for him.

    The funeral is just the beginning for the Hasara family. As totally heart-breaking and traumatic as the funeral is, it’s easier than some of the times that will follow. Right now they’re numb. That will wear off.

    So stay in touch with them. Let them know you’re thinking about them. Remember their son’s birthday. And his death day. Those are both tough for a grieving parent. Share in their memories of their son – that’s all they have now.

    We recommend they check out The Compassionate Friends. They’ll find people that know what they’re going through – because they’ve been there too.

    We’ll be praying for them. Give them hugs for us.

    Thanks,

    Joe Mudd

    P.S. I hope you don’t mind that I lifted that picture of you from your website. I don’t have any of my own pictures of you. If you mind, let me know and I’ll remove it right away.

    P.P.S. Did you know that generic drugs aren’t really the same as the name brand drugs they replace? It’s not a good thing to find out from the state medical examiner. Just a little taste of what government run health care will be like.

    Photo album of the Hasara’s on Rush’s Facebook page.

  • Can the Dead Communicate Using Nature?

    Can the Dead Communicate Using Nature?

    I was sitting on my Cracker Barrel rocking chair this morning, sipping coffee and watching the hummingbirds put on a show. We’ve been putting out feeders for them the past several summers. We’ve seen them flying around our feeders and enjoyed watching them. But this year they are different.

    There are a lot of them. They come in bunches. Sometimes one will fly over and hover a few feet away, just watching me. And the chirping. I didn’t know they could do that. I’ve never heard them before. But this year they’re making a ruckus, as they chirp and chatter.

    Since joining the grieving parents fraternity I’ve read lot’s of books. Many of the authors claim they receive signs from their parted loved one via nature.

    These signs usually come from animals. Or butterflies.

    So, is that possible?

    It does seem we’ve had more flying critters the past year.

    As I mow grass I have butterflies hovering around me. Not the little moths I’m used to seeing, but the big pretty ones that I haven’t noticed in our yard in previous summers. And there was that day last fall when we had an entire tree full of them. I’ve NEVER seen that around here before.

    So, is this martin a bringing a message from Richard?

    When I’m mowing down the hill behind the house I have an air force of purple martins diving around me. I’ve never seen them out there before. I don’t have any martin houses up. Yet there they are.

    During our visit with Sarah in Texas in May it seemed everywhere we went, we’d have a big black grackle screeching at us as soon as we got out of the car. It would be sitting on a sign or shopping cart or tree nearby.

    So could these be signs from Richard? Or has the idea been planted in my brain from the stories I’ve read, and now I’m just more observant of the nature that’s been around me all along but I never noticed before? And if Richard can manipulate the animals, why can’t he just come down and talk to me directly?

    As usual, these are questions I have no way to answer.