It’s now been two and a quater years since Richard died. It seems like it was just yesterday, and it feels like it’s been a lifetime.
After all this time, I still often feel like it’s not real… like Richard is still here. I often expect him to walk into the house, and just flash that sheepish grin when he sees our shocked expression. I just don’t feel like he’s really dead.
Then the tidal wave will wash over me. You know, that tsunami that just overwhelms you when you realize you’ll never see your kid again… at least on this earth. I think that’s my brain talking. My brain has processed Richard’s death and added that piece of data to all the rest it has stored away. And every so often, my brain has to assert itself and point out the facts as it knows them. Richard is dead, and I’m not going to see him again.
So why do I keep getting this feeling that’s not really true?
When we think about our feelings we most often talk about them coming from the heart. I know I find myself even clutching my chest when I think about these strong feelings. Like they’re coming from deep within. From my very core.
I wonder, is this where our soul is?
Is our soul at our core, at our heart?
I use the term soul because of my religious faith. But maybe that’s not what you call it. I’m talking about that spiritual part of us, the part that keeps on going when our body stops. The part of us we believe is eternal.
Does our soul know those other souls are out there, the ones that no longer are tied to a human body? Can it “feel” their presence even when we can’t see them? What does the soul know?
When I think of Richard, and wonder where he is, even speak out to him, I find myself looking to the sky – to the heavens. Most religions even call that place our souls go “Heaven”. Is that where he is now, out in the sky somewhere?
Or is he right here still, but just in another dimension – one our physical bodies can’t detect? Maybe Richard is here now, looking over my shoulder as I type.
We know of at best 4 dimensions: length, width, height and time. That’s all we can tell about with our limited bodies. But physicists believe there are many, many times more dimensions. I read a book called The Black Hole Wars that dealt with the battle of the physicists over these theories. It talked about string theory and it made my head hurt. But these guys are all pretty darn sure there are a bunch of dimensions.
Maybe one of those dimensions is where the spirit lives. Could be right here on earth, kind of a parallel universe. And maybe our souls know it’s there. It can’t communicate with it in any fashion we understand – except maybe for a few “sensitive” people. But still, our soul has some connection with that place.
And that’s why deep down inside we know our kids are still with us. Our brains don’t get it.
But our souls know.
Leave a Reply to Julie Cancel reply