Tag: Richard

  • Go To The Top

    Go To The Top

    As a young family we didn’t take many big vacations. We decided shortly after Sarah was born to become a one income family, so money was always tight. Big vacations cost big bucks.

    There was also that little matter of my not wanting to travel much. Let me take a few trips around the yard on the lawn mower and give me a glass of iced tea – that’s what a vacation was supposed to be in mind.

    But I did get talked into one big adventure.

    By big, I’m talking about 5600 miles, 17 states and 21 DAYS away from home.

    Go West Young Man Family

    We started out with only one predetermined destination – the Grand Canyon. The rest of the trip was to be pretty freeform, only a rough sketch.  So if something along the way looked interesting, we often went to check it out.

    Early in our adventure we were driving across southern Colorado, enjoying flat plains covered in wild flowers. Snow covered mountains rose in the distance. We came upon a sign pointing to an approaching crossroad to our right.

    “Great Sand Dunes National Park,” it read.

    Hmmm, that might be interesting. Right turn.

    Great Sand Dunes National Park

    As the name implies, The Great Sand Dunes National Park features sand dunes. 39 square miles of them.

    Here’s an interesting fact we discovered on our trip – rivers in the west are full of sand, not water. I don’t know why they do it that way, but trust me, they do.

    So here’s what happens. The winds blow down out of the San Luis mountains to the west. They travel across the Rio Grande river, pick up sand and carry it across the vast mountain valley. When the wind strikes the Sangre De Cristo mountains on the eastern end of the valley, the sand falls out and piles up.

    It’s been doing that for centuries.

    The result is the vast dune field that gives the park it’s name. This is sand like you see in the movies, when they show people staggering across the desert, on their way to a hot, dry death.

    We arrived at the parking lot. A little dirt trail led off through the surrounding trees. There was no where else to go, so we followed it.

    The trail ended at a 30 foot wide stream. On the other side of the stream was sand. Sand as far as the eye could see. Sand in great rippling dunes, some as much as 700 foot high.

    It’s a pretty place. Picture pure, golden-brown sand, surrounded by trees and a stream. In the distance you see snow covered mountains. Postcards are born here.

    After removing our shoes, and wading the creek (man, that’s some cold water in there), we hit the sand. First we crossed a beach area, about 100 yards long.

    And Then There Were Dunes

    The early summer day was bright, the sky crystal clear and deep blue. The warm winds that formed the dunes was with us, and the temperature was climbing fast.

    I don’t know what picture comes to mind for you when you hear the word dunes. I’ve always thought of nice gently ripping sand. What lay before us were small mountains of sand.

    We climbed a 50 footer, crossed the valley on the other side, and climbed the next.

    Climbing these steep sand hills was a real workout. The sand under foot shifts and slides away as you walk. So you step up two or three feet, but slip back down a foot before you get dug in enough to hold your position. It’s hard work.

    Up and over and down, up and over we went.

    After about a half dozen or so of these these mini-mountains, we came to a deep valley. Up ahead, maybe a quater mile away, a huge monster dune loomed into the sky.

    We old people had exercised more in the past half-hour then we had in the previous month. The sand mountain in front of us was hundreds of feet tall. No way was I climbing that thing. We decided this would be a perfect place to put our blanket down and enjoy the view.

    The children, not being as wise as their parents, wanted to continue.

    “I want to go to the top,” pleaded Richard.

    A Plan Formed In My Mind

    “You kids go ahead and climb to the top. Mom and I will sit here and watch,” I said. No way was I climbing that thing.

    Off they went. Down the valley, and up the first hill, then up the next they climbed.

    Their progress began to slow. Sarah took a break. Richard kept going.

    As they crossed valleys between hills they often disappeared from view. They both took frequent breaks, but the distance between them grew. As they got farther away, it became hard for us to tell which of the many climbers on the dunes were them.

    Debbie grew uneasy.

    “Maybe one of us should have gone with them,” she said.

    “Us,” of course, meant me. No way was I climbing that thing.

    “They’ll be fine,” I reassured her.

    On they went.

    Sarah was taking longer and more frequent rest periods. The distance between them grew and they were now far apart.

    Richard was getting really far away, and it was hard to pick him out, as he disappeared in the numerous small valleys. I had to use the video camera, on full zoom mode, to watch him.

    Slowly, finally, he made it to the top of the monstrous dune.

    He stood, catching his breath at the top, looking back from where he had come. He then turned around and looked on the other side.

    “He’s not going down the other side is he? If he goes down the other side, I’m going to have a heart attack,” moaned his worrying mom.

    Richard headed off down the other side.

    “He’ll get lost! Someone is going to have to go up there and get him!” Debbie screamed.

    You know when she said, “Someone,” who she meant don’t you? No way was I climbing that thing.

    “Don’t worry so much. Richard will be fine. He won’t go far,” I told her. “He’ll be back soon.” No way was I climbing that thing.

    We sat down on the sand to wait. Debbie chain smoked, as I scanned the horizon for signs of my little Boy Scout. Fifteen minutes passed.

    “Someone is going to have to go up there and find him.”

    “Just have patience, he’ll be back soon,” I said. No way was I climbing that thing.

    Sarah finally made it to the top, rested, and began her return. Thirty minutes passed.

    No sign of Richard.

    Debbie, frantic now, said “You have to go up there and find him. NOW!”

    I was going to climb that thing.

    I packed the video camera/spotting scope over my shoulder, kissed my wife goodbye and headed off into the sand.

    The sun was directly overhead and very hot. I picked out a longer but slightly less steep route to the summit and trudged on in the boiling hot sand.

    Each of the successively higher hills became harder to climb. At each upward step my foot would slip back in the sand about half way.

    I reached the top of a dune about midway up the big hill. My calves were screaming. My lungs were screaming back at them.

    It was time to stop for rest.

    I spotted another man, about my age, fifteen feet away. His face was flushed red and he was sweating profusely. He was bent over, hands on his knees, breathing hard.

    “Nice little walk up here, isn’t it?” I casually remarked.

    “Huff, huff, wheeze,” he replied.

    “I didn’t want to come up here, but my kid went over the top and my wife said I had to come find him,” I confided.

    He shook his head in an understanding nod and said, “When you get there, send my kid back too. I can’t make it any farther.”

    I got a description of his son and left him alone as I struggled on.

    The sun was merciless. The sand was merciless. I was sweating like crazy.

    I hadn’t had a drink in hours. My mouth was parched. My tongue was so dry it began to flake away. My vision blurred.

    Overhead, buzzards circled in a greedy death watch.

    I could see the headlines now, “Man Dies Tragically, Attempting Rescue of Son on the Sand.”

    I staggered on.

    I reached the final valley. The last hill to the top lay on the other side. It was a huge mountain of a sand dune.

    I stopped for one last look back at Debbie, for I knew I may never see her again. I couldn’t tell where she was. In the vast ocean of sand behind me, all the dunes looked alike. The people were too small to identify from here. I realized, I could get lost up here.

    I wondered who Debbie would make come up here to find me.

    Turning back to the mountain before me, I raised the video camera for one last scan of the peak. Slowly, I panned the horizon. Over there to the left, just coming down from the top, was kid about the right size. I zoomed all the way out. Yes! It was him.

    “Richard, get over here,” I yelled.

    I sure hoped he could find his way back down from here.

    There is a valuable lesson to be learned from this little story. We had violated one of the most basic rules of parenting: be specific and always sweat the small details.

    When we gave Richard permission to climb to the top, we had failed to mention what top we had in mind. When he got to the top of the hill in front of us, he discovered it wasn’t the top after all, as there were taller hills farther on.

    Richard always liked to be the first one up the hill, to reach the summit first.

    I guess he’s still doing it.

    Photo credit NPS

  • Two Years

    Two Years

    It’s now May 23rd… two years from the day Richard died.

    Yeah, I know the “official” date is the 28th of May. But that wasn’t when he died, it’s when they found him in his apartment. In my heart I know he died on this day.

    We were at the farm that day. I remember sitting on the porch that evening looking up at the stars, and I was thinking of Richard. I looked out into the heavens and thought, “I hope you’re alright.” I had an uneasy feeling. Somehow I knew, though I wouldn’t understand that feeling for several more days.

    The intensity of the pain is just breath taking – even two years out.

    I miss you kid.

    This is one of your mom’s favorite pictures of you, so I put it up here today.

    Even with that damned Louisville hat on your head.

  • The Suit That Never Was

    The Suit That Never Was

    Our church consists of two separate church buildings connected by a central hall. There is the mid-1800’s era church we now call The Chapel. Our main church, the one where all the Sunday Masses are conducted, is on the other side of the hall. We call that one The Church. The Church’s entry doors are located inside the hall.

    So everyone leaving church after Mass must go into this central area, that we have given the imaginative name of The Gathering Space.

    Parishioners gather in The Gathering Space after Mass to catch up, chat and have a bit of fellowship.

    As we moved through the post-Mass crowd the other day we ran into Carolyn Gregory. Her son Andrew was one of Richard’s friends in youth group. About a half dozen of the guys in that high school group became known as The Posse. As you can see, we’re big on snappy names in our parish.

    As we talked with Carolyn, we of course asked about Andrew. Carolyn told us about his progress in school where he is getting close to graduation and the big job search. She mentioned about how they were going to go shopping for a suit for Andrew to wear on his interviews.

    Oh Oh. I was expecting Debbie to start crying. I had a lump in my throat.

    You see, Richard was getting ready to start his junior year in business college at the University of Kentucky. He was making plans for interviews and internships. He’d asked Debbie to go shopping with him to pick out a new suit for those occasions.

    She was looking forward to it a lot. I’m not sure if Richard was more interested in her taste in suits or her use of the check book, but his momma was thrilled with the request.

    But that shopping trip never happened.

    And our conversation in The Gathering Space served as a reminder of that. And the reason why.

    That’s how easy it is to get tripped up on the grieving path.

    We both left church with a heavy heart, but neither of us cried. I guess that’s progress.

    Photo credit: The image above was borrowed from The Men’s Warehouse website. I hope they don’t mind. If you need a suit or clothing, buy something from them to make it up to them.

  • Expecto Patronum

    Expecto Patronum

    When the kids were young one of my jobs was reading to them at night. First I’d read to Richard, then I’d go upstairs and read to Sarah. It gave me a chance to spend one-on-one time with my kids.

    I got to read a lot of good books I wouldn’t have ever read on my own.

    It was one of my favorite times. I read to them long after they could read to themselves. It was just a nice time.

    Richard was a Harry Potter fan. The Harry Potter series was on our reading list.

    Unfortunately because of my work schedule, I was only able to read on the weekends when we were reading the Potter books. If you’ve ever read them, you know most of these novels are long. Reading them only a couple of nights a week, it took a long time to plow through them.

    Richard couldn’t wait. On weeknights He’d sneak into our bedroom and get the book (I kept his current book on my bedside table), and read ahead. He then put the bookmark back where we had left off so I wouldn’t know.

    So he’d get a double dose of Harry Potter.

    If you’ve somehow managed to miss out on the Harry Potter story, Harry was a young wizard. Most of the action takes place at Hogwarts, a school for apprentice wizards and witches.

    His studies at Hogwarts included classes on spells. There were many exciting moments as the young students tried their luck at spell making.

    One spell was intended to call up their Patronus – a personal protector that guarded them from the dark forces.

    The spell required the use of a magic wand, thinking of powerful good thoughts and shouting out, “Expecto Patronum!”

    Here’s what Wikipedia says that phrase means:

    Expecto Patronum is correct classical Latin for “I await a protector”.

    Wouldn’t it be great if we could work the Expecto Patronum spell and protect our children?

    You could just point your trusty magic wand at the bad guys and other dangers of life, think up lovely thoughts… I’d probably remember the fun I had reading to my kids… take a deep breath and scream out at the top of your lungs…

    “EXPECTO PATRONUM!!!”

    Out would pop the magic Patronus to protect your kids. They seemed to take the form of an animal in the Harry Potter books, so Richard’s would probably be a cat.

    But that’s in Harry Potter. Fiction. This is real. There are no magic wands.

    So we end up at a website like this.

     

  • Christmas Decorating at the Cemetery

    Christmas Decorating at the Cemetery

    This past weekend Debbie and I went to the cemetery with Christmas trees.

    Once again we took small, real trees. We plan to take them and plant them somewhere later. Hopefully we’ll retrieve them before they disappear this time.

    Richard's 2010 Christmas tree.
    Richard’s 2010 Christmas tree.

    Last year Debbie made strings of cranberries to put on the trees.

    Richard liked cranberries. Not that Jello looking stuff you plop out of a can, but the real deal. He and Debbie would cook up real cranberries in our big cast iron skillet. When he was young he liked to help stir the sugary berry mix and watch the cranberries pop. I think he was the only member of the family that really cared much for them – though the real thing was much better than the canned version. We had cranberries every Christmas because Richard wanted them.

    Debbie also thought the birds would like the fresh berries.

    Well the birds didn’t pay much attention to them, and Richard didn’t reach out and pluck any of them off the tree either. So this year she decided it wasn’t worth the work. She bought some strings of red beads and put them on the trees. There are also some small balls and ribbons.

    While we were there, we met another set of grieving parents, the Longs. Their son Michael Todd Long is one of Richard’s neighbors now. He died at the age of 15. That was about 13 years ago. They were there to decorate their son’s headstone.

    The Long's decorate the top of their son's stone.
    The Long’s decorate the top of their son’s stone.

    Like us, they have parents buried close by and will join their son there some day. She told me she wasn’t in any hurry to die, but she wasn’t afraid of it either, because she knew she’d get to she her son again when it happens.

    Exactly.