Grieving Parent

Tag: memorial

  • Richards Tree

    Richards Tree

    We’ve seen a lot of ideas for creating memorials since we began this journey of dealing with Richards death. We’ve received many as gifts from people that cared about Richard and us.

    We get reminded of one every time we go to our church.  Last year a dogwood tree was planted on the church campus in memory of Richard.

    Right now that tree is bloomed out and beautiful. It’s still a small tree, but it’s showing off right now.

    Richard's dogwood showing off.
    Richard’s dogwood showing off.

    I appreciate this remembrance of our son. There is comfort in this enduring tribute. Knowing year after year this tree will decorate our little corner of the world with its flowery display. As it calls attention to itself, it will also remind all that see it of Richard’s existence on the earth.

    Memorial plaque for Richard.
    This memorial plaque is at the base of the tree.

    I can imagine many years from now, when we are gone too, people coming to church in the spring will come over to admire the beautiful dogwood blossoms.

    They’ll see the plaque and say, “Who was Richard Mudd?”

    He’ll be the mystery man.

    They’ll probably think he was a big donor to the church. Figure him for a big money, high roller kind of guy. Well, maybe he would have been someday.

    But they’ll have something to think about, and Richard will be remembered for many years – even by people that will never know him.

    If your looking for a lasting memorial as a tribute to a lost loved one, or as a gift to the bereaved, you should consider a nice flowering tree.

  • Legacy Memorial Websites

    Legacy Memorial Websites

    The Compassionate Friends has partnered with the people at Legacy.com to bring you a special deal on a memorial website for your lost child. You can get a 14 day free trial to try their system and you will also get a 25% discount on your first year sponsorship. That’s what they call their hosting fee.

    Here’s What You Can Do With These Tribute Sites

    • Customize the design, yet create the site in 5 minutes using Legacy.com.’s 4-step process
    • Include photos, videos, stories, and more
    • Add music
    • Invite family and friends to contribute and join in celebrating the life of a child
    • And much more

    Keep Your Child’s Memory Alive

    I think all of us traveling this grieving parent pathway want to keep our child’s memory. These memorial websites are a simple way to do that and they let you share these memories with others, and let them share their memories with you.

    I haven’t tried one of these because I already pay for this one. It looks like a nice system, and the price is pretty fair.

    Get Your FREE Trial and Discount

    To get this deal you should go to the page on The Compassionate Friends website. When you purchase a memorial site from that link TCF will get a share of the price to support their programs.

  • Memorializing FaceBook

    Memorializing FaceBook

    Richard had a Facebook account. Not too surprising, nearly every college kid does.

    It’s sort of a piece of his life, dangling out there in cyberspace.

    Debbie was one of his “friends” on Facebook. I wasn’t.

    Facebook started out being limited to students only. Later they opened it up to everyone, and all us old people invaded the young people’s turf. I didn’t request to be friends with our kids or our nieces because I didn’t want them to feel like I was snooping. I decided to let them make the first move. Richard never sent that friend request.

    Debbie likes to go on his profile from time to time. His friends leave comments. It’s important to us to have his Facebook profile stay there.

    But he hasn’t logged on in a long time. Facebook has made many changes and Richard hasn’t been there to respond.

    So we’re worried his profile might be deleted someday. Debbie says that would feel like losing him all over again.

    So we looked for some way to protect his account. And Facebook has something.

    You can memorialize the profile of a deceased loved one. The “wall” remains active, so family and friends (active Facebook friends only) can post to the wall. The account is secured and locked down.

    So we requested to have his account memorialized.

    If you need to do this for someone you love here is the link to the Facebook form:

    http://www.facebook.com/help/contact.php?show_form=deceased

  • Another Brick on the Walk

    Another Brick on the Walk

    We have another Richard brick.

    There’s a nice little park in Frankfort, KY called Cove Spring Park. Way off in the back corner, tucked into the trees, is a beautiful memorial garden sponsored by The Compassionate Friends of Frankfort, KY. At the center of the garden is a raised round flower bed, with a statue in the middle. Paver brick surrounds the flower bed.

    Many of those bricks have names. And dates. One has Richard’s name and his time on earth.

    Sunday they held a brick laying ceremony and a balloon release. There are now more than 100 memorial bricks in that garden. The number of  tears those bricks represent is uncountable.

    After the balloons disappeared from view we enjoyed a potluck style picnic.

    It was nice spending time, enjoying life, laughing and eating with others in TCF. People from all walks of life and different stages in the grief journey, that have become brothers and sisters because of a bond we never wanted to share.

    Click the thumbnail pictures below to see larger images.

  • Our First Candle Lighting Ceremony

    Our First Candle Lighting Ceremony

    Tonight we went to the Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting at Frankfort, KY.

    This is a memorial service for the parents, family and friends of our lost children. We honor the memory of our child with music, poems, a slide show and a candle lighting service. This event happens in each time zone all over the world. Sort of the grieving parent version of doing the wave as candles are lit in sequence around the world.

    I went fully intending to not cry.

    Yeah, yeah… I know all about how it’s OK for men to cry – that real men cry and all that stuff. And I don’t apologize for shedding tears for Richard. I miss him tremendously. But I don’t like crying in front of a bunch of people. People I’ve never met. Even when many of them are also shedding tears.

    So I wasn’t going to cry.

    But there was one problem. The song Precious Child.

    I stumbled onto Precious Child yesterday while checking the Compassionate Friends website for info on the Candle Lighting. That song is used in the video they had on the site.

    Precious Child grabbed my heart. Hard. The lyrics are all the thoughts and feelings I’ve had for the last 6 months, but didn’t have the talent to express out loud.

    And it made the tears flow.

    So I had to find out who did that song. I searched and found the website of the artist – Karen Taylor-Good. And I downloaded the song.  And I played it. And tears streamed down. And I played it more. And cried more.

    I was sure this tune would be part of the Candle Lighting, so if I was going to avoid the public display of tears I would need to become immune to it’s powerful effect on my heart. I needed a vaccine for Precious Child.

    So I played it over and over and over. I listened to it at least 100 times. Probably more.

    I know this sounds compulsive and it probably is. But that’s how I’ve always been. I hear a song that touches me for some reason and I have to hear it over and over. Sometime for hours.

    And I listened to Precious Child. And listened.

    I like to sing along. But I could never get through singing Precious Child without getting choked up.

    And so we went to the Candle Lighting. And sure enough, it was featured during the program. But it wasn’t the recorded version by Karen Taylor-Good. It was to be performed by Kathy Casey. So maybe there was hope for me. Maybe Kathy Casey wouldn’t do such a good job, and I’d be able to control myself.

    But as soon as she opened her mouth I knew I was toast. She sang beautifully.

    And the tears welled in my eyes. And they rolled down my checks and fell into Debbie’s hair.

    And the tears flowed when Richard’s picture showed on the screen. And during the Candle Lighting part of the service.

    There were a lot of people there. And most of the pictures showed young people, like Richard. Young people that were loved and are greatly missed.

    And we are not alone. But I wish we were.