Grieving Parent

Tag: Grieving

  • Perpetual French Fries

    Perpetual French Fries

    I don’t guess this really has that much to do with grieving, but it’s sort of amazing.

    In the week before Christmas I was on vacation. Debbie wasn’t, and since she works at our church, Christmas is one of her busy seasons.

    I went in to help her one morning with some stuff to get ready for the Children’s Christmas Mass. Around lunch time I was leaving to go home, but Debbie was staying on to work some more. I went to the local McDonald’s and bought some lunch for us. I left hers with her at her office and took mine.

    It was a pretty nice day for late December, so I took mine to the cemetery. I sat at the garden bench my aunts and uncles bought for us and talked to Richard and my mom while eating lunch. I went over in front of Richard’s stone and told him, “Here have some french fries.” I tossed a few fries on the ground at his grave.

    The picture above shows one of those french fries today.

    It’s been rained on several times. It’s been covered in snow at least twice. It has been in the sun, wind and nature for a month and a half.

    It’s still there.

    Bleached out, but still there.

    Wow.

  • The Dream Fades

    The Dream Fades

    They say all good things must end. And so it seems to be.

    I had a dream a few weeks ago. It gave me a great sense of peace.

    The feelings from the dream were strong, but they’re fading.

    Lately I’ve been thinking about what it was like for Richard in those last moments.

    How long did it take? I have no idea how long he could have held on when those seizures took him over. Was it just minutes or hours?

    Did he have pain? I know the other two times he went into seizure he bit his tongue enough to give him bloody foam around his mouth. Biting your tongue hurts. What other pains could he have suffered in all the struggle?

    He was on the floor in the middle of the room. Did he fall? Or did he dose off there while playing video games or watching TV?

    And the worst thought – did he know what was happening? Did he feel fear? Did he know he was helpless and dying? Did he feel his life slipping away?

    I can only hope the seizures that trapped him in an unresponsive body also kept his brain from knowing what was happening to him.

    And the roller coaster ride continues.

  • The Grief Roller Coaster

    The Grief Roller Coaster

    Life after lossing a child has been a big roller coaster ride.

    There have been a lot of deep plunges into the unknown.

    And then there have been times the track has leveled out, maybe even climbed a small hill or two.

    But the ride continues and the path ahead is uncertain.

    Right now the track has smoothed out some. Mostly because of the dream I had of Richard. I’ve felt more at peace since having that dream than at anytime since Richard left us.

    I don’t why – because it was just a dream. But it had a big impact.

    I don’t know how long this peace will last. The roller coaster ride goes on.

  • Ambush

    Ambush

    Debbie needed something for show-and-tell time at the next Compassionate Friends meeting. She was supposed to bring something that was important to Richard or something he was proud of. The idea was for everyone to show their item and tell the story about what it meant in the life of their child.

    She asked me to think of something.

    Later I remembered Richard’s Frisbee in the trunk of his car. A lover of all sports, Richard often played Ultimate Frisbee. I thought about him smiling while he went all out, full speed ahead, trying to win.

    And wham, the tears started running down my cheeks.

    I wasn’t expecting that. But that’s how it still is, even after 8 months.

    You just never know when it will hit you or what will trigger it.

    I looked out the kitchen window and saw several bright red cardinal birds sitting in the lilac bush. From the sunroom windows I could see a cardinal on each of the bird feeders in the backyard and several more on the ground and in the trees nearby.

    In a Kentucky Wildcat Big Blue family, Richard professed to be a University of Louisville Cardinal fan. I think it was mostly fake. He followed UK closer than UL. But he loved to aggravate his uncle Stuart, his grandpa and me.

    Could all the cardinals have been a sign from Richard that he’s OK?

    Probably they were a sign that it was cold and snowy out, and they were just getting some food where they could.

    But who knows, I’m keeping an open mind.

    I miss you kid.

  • You Have No Idea How Much

    You Have No Idea How Much

    front of b'day cardGot snowed in today.

    Debbie took the occasion to clean out the drawers in the kitchen cabinets.  In one of the drawers were many old greeting cards.

    She handed me one.

    It was a birthday card from Richard to me. The front of the card is above. The inside is below.

    Birthday greetings from Richard.

    Yes Richard, it does get me right there.

    I miss you kid.