Grieving Parent

Tag: family

  • Easter

    Easter

    It’s Easter Sunday.

    Another big family gathering day.

    Another check mark on our Year of Firsts check list. Our first Easter without Richard.

    I really hate these Year of Firsts check off items. But I’m pretty sure I’ll hate the Year of Seconds, and the Year of Thirds and on and on etc., etc., just as much.

    It was a really beautiful spring day.

    We started with Easter Mass at our church. As always on Easter, it was crowded, as the twice-a-year church goer’s showed up in force.

    Most of us were dressed up for the occasion. Easter was one of the twice-a-year-I’ll-wear-dress-clothes days for Richard.

    My sister and her husband had their whole family with them. We sat behind them. We as in Debbie and me. Sarah is in Texas. And Richard isn’t here.

    But Richard wouldn’t have sat with us anyway. He always stood in the back of church. Standing back there usually meant he would get volunteered to be an usher when one of the people assigned for that mass failed to show up – which happens most weeks. He would sometime complain about having to usher so often, but he always went back for more.

    After church we went to the cemetery. We took some candy for Richard and my mom. Yeah, I know it’s pretty silly to toss candy out on the ground at somebody’s grave, but that’s what we did. We’ll do it again I’m sure.

    Later in the afternoon we went to the farm for a family get-together. Lot’s of food, lot’s of dogs and cats, but mostly lot’s of loving family.

    The cousins shared a few more of their Richard stories with us. Really enjoyed that.

    It was a very nice day. But like everyday since that awful day, it was missing something, and we were missing someone.

    I was going to use the picture below as the spotlight image at the beginning of this post, but my fabulous daughter beat me to the punch. But he looked so cute, I had to share it here too.

    Young Richard in his Easter best.
    Richard showing off his Easter best, and his trademark smile.
  • Richard’s Fruit Salad

    Richard’s Fruit Salad

    The holiday season has arrived. And for us that means family gatherings.

    My siblings, our children and our dogs meet at “The Farm” – my dad’s place.

    The Farm is 153 acres of rolling hills surrounded by creaks. There are ponds for fishing and plenty of woods to explore. The kind of place you can let the kids and the dogs go free. Where they can let their spirits soar. The kind of place you can reconnect your soul to the universe.

    There is a also the house. It’s always been big. But since mom died in 2000 my dad has been expanding it. I guess that’s his way of dealing with grief. It could now serve as a small hotel. Heated with wood stoves, it’s the perfect place for a nice nap after a big holiday meal. Spots on the two couches in front of the stove fill quickly after dinner.

    And speaking of big meals.

    Our family gatherings include plenty of food. Dad usually provides a turkey and at Christmas a ham. Each of us kids bring several dishes as well. From appetizers and snacks to salads and casseroles to desserts, there is something to eat the entire time you’re there.

    Over the years each of our families has taken certain dishes as their assignments – bringing them every year.

    One of our “assigned” dishes has been fruit salad. I usually get the job of cutting up the fruit. This is an assortment of apples, white and red grapes, bananas and mandarin oranges. Debbie then mixes all these together in a big bowl and stirs in some salad dressing.  We might add some pecan pieces if we have any in the house.

    It tastes good. But it doesn’t age very well. Something about that mix of fruit, salad dressing and time doesn’t work. As the day wears on it sort of liquefies and darkens. It gets ugly. Still tastes good, but no one wants it.

    Richard used to complain about it.

    Last year Richard told us he’d make the fruit salad. In addition to the our usual ingredients he added pineapple, kiwi and strawberries. Instead of salad dressing he squeezed the juice from two fresh lemons and poured that over the fruit and mixed it together.

    It was good. It was pretty. And it stayed pretty. People liked it.

    So we assigned Richard the role of fruit salad chef for all future family gatherings.

    This past Thanksgiving we had to do the fruit salad again. We tried to use Richards recipe.  It turned out pretty good.

    But it was missing an important ingredient.