Tag: dreams

  • Richard Returns

    Richard Returns

    It’s been over 14 months since Richard’s death. Last night was the second time I’ve seen him in a dream.

    This still surprises me. Seems like I’d dream about him all the time. But I don’t.

    This time he was only there for a few seconds. I don’t remember the exact details, but it seems he was breathing hard and sweaty, maybe he had been doing some type of sport. But he had that great smile.

    And then he was gone. I knew instantly that I was dreaming. I didn’t feel like he was there in the room with me.

    Still it was nice to see his smiling face again.

    I don’t really have that much to say about this, but I’m posting it here so I can remember when it happened.

  • The Dream Fades

    The Dream Fades

    They say all good things must end. And so it seems to be.

    I had a dream a few weeks ago. It gave me a great sense of peace.

    The feelings from the dream were strong, but they’re fading.

    Lately I’ve been thinking about what it was like for Richard in those last moments.

    How long did it take? I have no idea how long he could have held on when those seizures took him over. Was it just minutes or hours?

    Did he have pain? I know the other two times he went into seizure he bit his tongue enough to give him bloody foam around his mouth. Biting your tongue hurts. What other pains could he have suffered in all the struggle?

    He was on the floor in the middle of the room. Did he fall? Or did he dose off there while playing video games or watching TV?

    And the worst thought – did he know what was happening? Did he feel fear? Did he know he was helpless and dying? Did he feel his life slipping away?

    I can only hope the seizures that trapped him in an unresponsive body also kept his brain from knowing what was happening to him.

    And the roller coaster ride continues.

  • It Seemed SO Real

    It Seemed SO Real

    Since Richard’s death I haven’t dreamed about him. There was the one weird dream about him making comments on Facebook. But he hasn’t been in my dreams in person.

    Until last night.

    It was one of those incredibly vivid dreams. The kind that seem so very real. Intensely real. And Richard was there. Alive.

    I was standing there talking to him, in what seemed to be a kitchen, but it wasn’t our house.

    I remember telling him, “You really shook us up there. You’re kind of important to us, you know?”

    And he said, “Yeah… I know.”

    I’ve read many accounts of people claiming after death communications with their loved one. A lot of them see the person with maybe only an upper body, or opaque so they can see through them. And most have light radiating out behind them. This wasn’t like that at all. It was Richard in his normal body. No Hollywood lighting effects.

    And he didn’t come to tell me that he was happy where he is now and it was OK, like most of the other people have reported. He was just back, and alive.

    And I remember hugging him. And hugging him. And then I got Debbie to come over and join in. We had a big old group hug. And Richard hugged back. And didn’t protest. That should have tipped me off right there I was dreaming. Richard would never have gone along with all that huggie-wuggie stuff in real life.

    And I felt such intense joy.

    I joked with him that he’d have to come visit me in prison because they’d probably lock me up for insurance fraud now that he was alive. And I wondered who or what we actually buried out there in that big oak box anyway?

    I told him, “We have to tell everybody you’re back and alive,” and he said, “Nobody cares about that.” I assured him many people did care a great deal, such as his big sister for one.

    I don’t remember when Richard left my dream, but I know I dreamed more stuff and he wasn’t there.

    And I woke up. It took several seconds to realize I was in my bed. It was dark out. And then I knew it had only been a dream. And I was honestly stunned it had been a dream. It just seemed so incredibly real – the most realistic dream I ever remember having.

    I’ve posted this story in the “Comforting Thoughts” category.

    Yes, I was very disappointed when I finally realized it had been a dream. And the nightmare of Richard being dead again was disheartening.

    But seeing and talking to Richard in my dream, touching him, brought me comfort even when I was awake.

    And I don’t understand why.

  • Strange Dream

    Strange Dream

    I haven’t had a dream since Richard died. At least not one I remembered.

    Until last night.

    In my dream I was checking out Facebook.

    And Facebook said, “Richard Mudd commented on…”

    A couple of times.

    Don’t remember whose Facebook posts he commented on. Not sure I even recognized the names.  Seeing Richard making comments sort of shocked me, you know?

    The dream went away before I could read the comments. So I don’t know what he said.

    Strange.

    Does this mean anything? If so what?

    I don’t know.

    I’m still waiting for Richard to accept my Facebook friend request.

    If he can leave comments, surely he can do that.