Grieving Parent

Tag: Comforting Thoughts

  • St. Patrick

    St. Patrick

    Today is St. Patrick’s Day.

    St Patrick's Day clothes

    Pictured above is my uniform for the day. They were Richard’s clothes.

    One of the sacraments in the Catholic church is Confirmation. When we were babies our parents chose to have us baptized into the Catholic church. When we get older, usually middle school aged, we confirm that we choose this faith for ourselves. One element of the Sacrament of Confirmation is choosing a Confirmation name. The young person picks the name of a saint to be their patron.

    Richard chose Patrick as his confirmation name.

    We are having today’s mass offered for Richard.

    We also bought some shamrocks to plant at his grave. But not knowing how cold/frost tolerant they are, we’ll wait for warmer weather to actually put them in the ground.

    This is a prayer composed by St. Patrick, also known as “St. Patrick’s Breast-Plate.”

    I bind to myself today
    The strong virtue of the Invocation of the Trinity:
    I believe the Trinity in the Unity
    The Creator of the Universe.

    I bind to myself today
    The virtue of the Incarnation of Christ with His Baptism,
    The virtue of His crucifixion with His burial,
    The virtue of His Resurrection with His Ascension,
    The virtue of His coming on the Judgement Day.

    I bind to myself today
    The virtue of the love of seraphim,
    In the obedience of angels,
    In the hope of resurrection unto reward,
    In prayers of Patriarchs,
    In predictions of Prophets,
    In preaching of Apostles,
    In faith of Confessors,
    In purity of holy Virgins,
    In deeds of righteous men.

    I bind to myself today
    The power of Heaven,
    The light of the sun,
    The brightness of the moon,
    The splendour of fire,
    The flashing of lightning,
    The swiftness of wind,
    The depth of sea,
    The stability of earth,
    The compactness of rocks.

    I bind to myself today
    God’s Power to guide me,
    God’s Might to uphold me,
    God’s Wisdom to teach me,
    God’s Eye to watch over me,
    God’s Ear to hear me,
    God’s Word to give me speech,
    God’s Hand to guide me,
    God’s Way to lie before me,
    God’s Shield to shelter me,
    God’s Host to secure me,
    Against the snares of demons,
    Against the seductions of vices,
    Against the lusts of nature,
    Against everyone who meditates injury to me,
    Whether far or near,
    Whether few or with many.

    I invoke today all these virtues
    Against every hostile merciless power
    Which may assail my body and my soul,
    Against the incantations of false prophets,
    Against the black laws of heathenism,
    Against the false laws of heresy,
    Against the deceits of idolatry,
    Against the spells of women, and smiths, and druids,
    Against every knowledge that binds the soul of man.

    Christ, protect me today
    Against every poison, against burning,
    Against drowning, against death-wound,
    That I may receive abundant reward.

    Christ with me, Christ before me,
    Christ behind me, Christ within me,
    Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
    Christ at my right, Christ at my left,
    Christ in the fort,
    Christ in the chariot seat,
    Christ in the poop [deck],
    Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,
    Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks to me,
    Christ in every eye that sees me,
    Christ in every ear that hears me.

    I bind to myself today
    The strong virtue of an invocation of the Trinity,
    I believe the Trinity in the Unity
    The Creator of the Universe.

    We need no special days to remember Richard, in fact we think of him every day. But this is a day to honor his memory and his spirit.

    And to miss him.

  • Onions

    Onions

    One of the best things for spiritual healing is to get outside. Into the sunshine – into the light.

    Winter makes this hard to do. But spring is finally offering it’s first teasing tastes of better days ahead.

    This weekend brought us temps in the low 50’s and sunshine.

    I went out to my garden and planted some onions.

    I felt good to be in the warm rays of the sun again. To breath fresh healing air.

    As I worked on my knees putting the onion plants into the soil I heard a noise. It was in the stack of tomato cages I have piled up in the middle of the garden. I thought there were birds in there flapping around. But no birds. Just air swirling around with a bunch of leaves. A mini tornado. It moved around inside the cages, then worked its way to the end of the pile and moved away.

    I got up to go to the shed. Another mini tornado popped up in front of me. It swilled around before me. Sort of led the way to the shed then vanished.

    Was that some kind of sign from Richard? Or just the spring breeze?

    Who knows?

    Like most of life since Richard left us, I have no answers.

    Just lots of questions.

  • Lighting Candles at Church

    Lighting Candles at Church

    The Compassionate Friends have an annual candle lighting ceremony and lighting candles is an important ritual in the Catholic Church. I light candles for Richard at least once a week.

    So why do we light candles?

    In lighting candles we see our prayer rising up to heaven. We join our prayer in solidarity with others that have lit candles before us.

    Also in the literature about life after death you see a lot about moving into the light. And in the Bible, Christ says, “I am the light of the world.” So our candles become a symbol of the One Light of Christ.

    In Catholic churches candles are usually placed before statues of saints. In our church the candles are before statues of the Blessed Mother and Joseph. In our faith we ask these saints to intercede on our behalf. With their personal relationships with Christ, we believe their intercession gives our prayer more power.

    While saying prayers for Richard and others I love, I also offer prayers for those souls that don’t have anyone on earth praying for them.

  • Faith

    Faith

    Faith seems to play a big part in dealing with our grief. It even played a part in causing our grief.

    Faith in the medical profession was a big factor in Richard’s death. I’m sure the generic seizure medicine caused him to have his last seizure. We believed what they all told us – that generics were just the same as the more expensive name brand drugs. I’m sure Richard believed this. So he didn’t think it was all that important to go to his doctor to see if the switch to the generic was OK. But generics aren’t the same.

    We require faith to believe Richard is dead. We never saw him after he died. He’d been dead for several days before he was found, and he wasn’t in good shape. You’ve watched scenes on TV shows where the next of kin come to the morgue to identify the body. Well we didn’t have to do that. I didn’t want our last memory of Richard to be something ugly so I didn’t ask to see him, and they didn’t offer the opportunity.

    Who knows, maybe Richard is part of the witness protection program somewhere. But I also have faith that he would find a way to let us know if that was the case.

    And that brings me to the real biggy of faith – faith in God.

    Our faith that Richard is gone from this earth, but he isn’t gone. Faith that he lives on in the spirit world. Faith we’ll join him there when our time on earth is done.

    Faith that God has reasons for taking Richard back.

    Richard had a quiet faith. I didn’t hear him going around quoting Bible verses. Didn’t hear him preaching religion to his friends. But he showed his faith with his actions.

    On his last day of life he bought a new Bible. It was a large print version. Don’t know why he bought it. He had his Bible – a young adult oriented study version. It was well worn and used looking. Maybe he was going to give the new one to someone. Maybe he somehow knew he wouldn’t be needing it long, and I’d end up with it, so he got one my aging eyes could see better.

    Richard was a regular at our church youth group. They went to a ministry camp every summer. The picture above is Richard playing the part of Christ in a reenactment they did his last summer in youth group. Debbie told me she didn’t like that picture. The image of her son looking like that made her nervous. It was too real. But Richard had faith.

    And our faith that things we don’t understand have a reason, and we’ll know those reasons someday, is what let’s us keep it together now.

  • The Grief Roller Coaster

    The Grief Roller Coaster

    Life after lossing a child has been a big roller coaster ride.

    There have been a lot of deep plunges into the unknown.

    And then there have been times the track has leveled out, maybe even climbed a small hill or two.

    But the ride continues and the path ahead is uncertain.

    Right now the track has smoothed out some. Mostly because of the dream I had of Richard. I’ve felt more at peace since having that dream than at anytime since Richard left us.

    I don’t why – because it was just a dream. But it had a big impact.

    I don’t know how long this peace will last. The roller coaster ride goes on.