Grieving Parent

Tag: Comforting Thoughts

  • Richard Returns

    Richard Returns

    It’s been over 14 months since Richard’s death. Last night was the second time I’ve seen him in a dream.

    This still surprises me. Seems like I’d dream about him all the time. But I don’t.

    This time he was only there for a few seconds. I don’t remember the exact details, but it seems he was breathing hard and sweaty, maybe he had been doing some type of sport. But he had that great smile.

    And then he was gone. I knew instantly that I was dreaming. I didn’t feel like he was there in the room with me.

    Still it was nice to see his smiling face again.

    I don’t really have that much to say about this, but I’m posting it here so I can remember when it happened.

  • Testing One, Two, Three…

    Testing One, Two, Three…

    It’s been there for over a year now.

    Sitting right on my computer desk.

    One of the things I brought home from Richard’s apartment was that microcassette recorder pictured above. There were several cassettes, all looking new and unused.

    I finally popped them into the recorder and hit play.

    They were mostly blank.

    But on one was Richard’s voice, “Testing one, two, three, four, five…” Yes he was thorough.

    It was nice to hear his voice again, like it sounded just 14 months ago. I wish there had been more.

    We have many videos of the kids. I haven’t developed the courage yet to watch them. But I think they were all from a time when he was young, still just a child. As he reached the teens and young adulthood he didn’t cooperate much with the movie thing.

    So this cassette may be the only recording of his adult voice.

    I’d like to hear the real thing, live.

    But maybe it’s better than nothing.

  • Travel

    Travel

    We went on a short vacation last week.  I’m not a big fan of traveling, but I think it helped.

    Staying busy is a good thing. It helps you stay out of that dark hole grieving parents can sink into so quickly. But it seems to help more if it’s something out of the ordinary.

    I can stay busy mowing the grass or something routine like that. But I can do that on autopilot, so my mind still can think about how much I miss Richard. Doing something different keeps my brain occupied.

    We went to Mount Vernon during the beginning of our trip. I’ve always wanted to see it. Washington was our greatest leader.

    I visited him at his tomb. I had a talk with him – a silent talk – I didn’t want all those other people around me to think I was nuts.

    I asked him how he and Martha handled it, loosing a child. It was much more common back then. I’m sure it wasn’t any easier though. Yet he and others like him did handle it. And they started a new nation.

    Maybe that was their secret. Starting a country would have to keep you pretty darn busy.

  • Spring In The Cemetery

    Spring In The Cemetery

    Though it often hasn’t felt possible after Richard’s death, life does indeed go on.

    Spring is when nature shows us there is hope. There is new life.

    I took my camera to the cemetery this morning. Even in a place that is the focus of our pain there is also much beauty.

    Hope you enjoy the pictures (click the thumbnail pictures below to see the full size image).

  • To An Unconquerable Soul

    To An Unconquerable Soul

    Invictus – William Ernest Henley

    Out of the night that covers me,
    Black as the pit from pole to pole,
    I thank whatever gods may be
    For my unconquerable soul.

    In the fell clutch of circumstance
    I have not winced nor cried aloud.
    Under the bludgeonings of chance
    My head is bloody, but unbowed.

    Beyond this place of wrath and tears
    Looms but the Horror of the shade,
    And yet the menace of the years
    Finds and shall find me unafraid.

    It matters not how strait the gate,
    How charged with punishments the scroll,
    I am the master of my fate:
    I am the captain of my soul.