Grieving Parent

Tag: cemetery

  • Silence of the Birds

    Silence of the Birds

    It’s Halloween. Richard always had a good time with Halloween.

    So after church this morning we stopped in Kroger and got a couple of helium filled Mylar Halloween balloons to take to the cemetery.

    It was a beautiful morning, perfectly clear sky and crisp but not too cool air.

    A hundred feet or so from Richard’s grave is a small grove of trees. There are a couple of real tall trees there. As we left our car and started walking to Richard’s grave we were greeted  with birds chirping. It sounded like hundreds of them, coming from those trees. Reminded me of the old Alfred Hitchcock movie The Birds. They were just chattering up a storm.

    So we were standing there holding our balloons and talking to Richard. The birds were making a racket.  We couldn’t see them, but it sounded like those trees were filled with them.

    Finally we told Richard happy Halloween and Debbie and I released our balloons into the air, hoping maybe they would sail up to him in heaven.

    As our fingers pulled away from the strings and the balloons started to rise into the sky – the cemetery went silent. Not a tweet. It was like the birds just vanished.

    We watched the balloons rise higher and higher, until they vanished into the sun filled sky.

    And the birds were still silent.

    We stayed a little while longer, talking to Richard more. And the birds never made another sound. It was still quiet when we left.

    That was really kind of weird.

  • Happy Birthday Lucas Holt

    Happy Birthday Lucas Holt

    Dear Lucas,

    We’ve never met. But I’ve thought of you often during the past year. Just wanted to send you a quick note to wish you a happy birthday.

    I’m Richard’s dad. I’m sure you two have met by now. He’s got the plot just up the hill from you. I visit him often. While checking out his neighbors – beside his grandmother who is right behind him up the hill there (she’s my mom) – I couldn’t help but notice you.

    Isn’t it wild that you and Richard were almost exactly the same age when you died? Right at 3 months short of being 24 years old.

    What did people call you? Lucas? Luc? Maybe you went by your middle name, Graham? If you were Graham did anyone shorten it and just call you Ham? Sorry, I have a weird sense of humor. Having my kid die hasn’t improved it, I’m afraid.

    I have no idea what brought you here to Grove Hill Cemetery. Were you sick? Have a wreck? Were you like so many, and decided life was too tough and ended it yourself? Did someone do something horrible to you?

    I’ve thought of calling your parents to ask about you. Maybe they could give me some pointers on dealing with this awful loss that we share. Just haven’t screwed up the courage for that yet. But someday.

    I can tell by the picture of you etched into your headstone that you had a pleasant smile. Richard had a glorious smile, and he knew how to use it. I really miss that smile.

    image of golf balls at gravesite.
    Here is a birthday present someone left you.

    I can also see you were into golf. They attached one of your golf clubs and your hat to your monument. That’s kinda neat.

    Someone left you some new golf balls for your birthday. Don’t know if you need them, you probably never lose one when you play up there.

    Richard liked golf too. We still have his golf clubs upstairs.

    He’d probably play a few rounds with you. Maybe you’ve already played. Probably so.

    Anyhow, happy birthday.

    I know your parents are missing you today. I know they’re missing you everyday, but today the volume on that is amplified a lot. I’ll say a prayer for them.

    I hope you enjoy the flowers I left for you. It still seems sort of strange giving flowers to a guy. But everything seems strange these days, so what the hell.

    Best wishes,
    Joe Mudd

    P.S. When you see Richard again, tell him to call home. I’ve got questions. Thanks.

  • Tree Thieves Strike

    Tree Thieves Strike

    Christmas was always a big deal to Richard. So we put out a Christmas tree at his grave and one at my mom’s grave which is located right behind Richard’s. We used live trees, intending to plant them somewhere later.

    They were in pots. We just dug into the ground and buried them up to the rim of the pot.

    I made a trip to the cemetery today. Where once there were Christmas trees there are now holes in the ground. The picture above is where our tree once stood.

    Our cemetery has a rule against artificial decorations. They allow an exception during the Christmas season. During Christmas we are allowed to place wreathes and other artificial decorations. At the end of January the artificial decorations must be removed.

    I never thought a real live tree would fall under this rule.

    But it seems my definition of artificial is much different than the staff of the cemetery.

    Very aggravating.

  • Our First Halloween at the Cemetery

    Our First Halloween at the Cemetery

    Richard was a big fan of Halloween. So we had to do a little decorating around his tombstone.

    One tradition at our church has been a Halloween party for the kids. As part of this celebration there was often a haunted house – if there were enough older kids to run it.

    When Richard was in Youth Group there was never a problem getting a crew for the haunted house. He loved running the haunted house.

    Among the stuff still in Richard’s room are his props for Halloween. There is the ragged Dallas Cowboys t-shirt. Full of holes, with no sleeves, and adorned with dried fake blood, he wore it for years. There is all his makeup for creating cuts and bruises. And his big bottle of “blood.”

    And of course the big plastic skeleton. He had it for years. It’s gotten in pretty bad shape. Richard had to duct tape it back together in several places.

    I wanted to take it to the cemetery and sit it up against the headstone. But I didn’t want someone to come along and steal it.

    There was no haunted house planned for this years church party.

    But it would be really cool if Richard showed up and staged one of his own. A real haunted house this time.

    With one very special ghost.