Grieving Parent

Tag: birthdays

  • Another Birthday

    Another Birthday

    Today is Richard’s birthday. He would be/is 24 today.

    This one has been harder than the last. Last year his birthday was just 3 months from his death. In fact, we had just gotten his death certificate a couple of weeks before that. We were still numb. The Novocain of early grief has worn off.

    Richard was the special intention for the 8am mass at church. Debbie doesn’t remember if she set that up or if someone else did, but like all the other “Richard Masses” we went to this one.

    We then went to the cemetery.

    I was planning to do some sprucing up around his grave. Recut the edges and put down new mulch. But there has been very little rain over the last several weeks. The ground was like concrete. I couldn’t get the edger tool more than an inch or so into the ground. So I decided to wait till later – like this fall – when the ground is a bit softer. I put the mulch around my mom’s stone instead.

    We put some balloons by Richard’s grave and watered the flowers that were sagging pretty badly.

    A couple of guys at work share Richard’s birthdate. So I had a birthday cake made with their names on it. I’m taking birthday cake and ice cream with a bunch of toppings to work today. The guys at work might think it’s a celebration for them. One of them is my boss, so I’ll probably be accused of sucking up to the man.

    That’s OK. Richard will know who that cake and ice cream are really for.

    Happy Birthday kid – I miss you.

  • Happy Birthday Lucas Holt

    Happy Birthday Lucas Holt

    Dear Lucas,

    We’ve never met. But I’ve thought of you often during the past year. Just wanted to send you a quick note to wish you a happy birthday.

    I’m Richard’s dad. I’m sure you two have met by now. He’s got the plot just up the hill from you. I visit him often. While checking out his neighbors – beside his grandmother who is right behind him up the hill there (she’s my mom) – I couldn’t help but notice you.

    Isn’t it wild that you and Richard were almost exactly the same age when you died? Right at 3 months short of being 24 years old.

    What did people call you? Lucas? Luc? Maybe you went by your middle name, Graham? If you were Graham did anyone shorten it and just call you Ham? Sorry, I have a weird sense of humor. Having my kid die hasn’t improved it, I’m afraid.

    I have no idea what brought you here to Grove Hill Cemetery. Were you sick? Have a wreck? Were you like so many, and decided life was too tough and ended it yourself? Did someone do something horrible to you?

    I’ve thought of calling your parents to ask about you. Maybe they could give me some pointers on dealing with this awful loss that we share. Just haven’t screwed up the courage for that yet. But someday.

    I can tell by the picture of you etched into your headstone that you had a pleasant smile. Richard had a glorious smile, and he knew how to use it. I really miss that smile.

    image of golf balls at gravesite.
    Here is a birthday present someone left you.

    I can also see you were into golf. They attached one of your golf clubs and your hat to your monument. That’s kinda neat.

    Someone left you some new golf balls for your birthday. Don’t know if you need them, you probably never lose one when you play up there.

    Richard liked golf too. We still have his golf clubs upstairs.

    He’d probably play a few rounds with you. Maybe you’ve already played. Probably so.

    Anyhow, happy birthday.

    I know your parents are missing you today. I know they’re missing you everyday, but today the volume on that is amplified a lot. I’ll say a prayer for them.

    I hope you enjoy the flowers I left for you. It still seems sort of strange giving flowers to a guy. But everything seems strange these days, so what the hell.

    Best wishes,
    Joe Mudd

    P.S. When you see Richard again, tell him to call home. I’ve got questions. Thanks.

  • You Have No Idea How Much

    You Have No Idea How Much

    front of b'day cardGot snowed in today.

    Debbie took the occasion to clean out the drawers in the kitchen cabinets.  In one of the drawers were many old greeting cards.

    She handed me one.

    It was a birthday card from Richard to me. The front of the card is above. The inside is below.

    Birthday greetings from Richard.

    Yes Richard, it does get me right there.

    I miss you kid.