Grieving Parent

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A Day in Court

Yesterday I got to go to court.

In order to get access to Richard’s bank account and his mutual fund, I have to be the administrator of his estate.

I won’t go into how strange it sounds to talk about Richard’s estate – when he owed more than he owned. The lawyers call this an insolvent estate.

I also won’t go into how heartbreaking it is to talk about my son’s estate.

I started the day by meeting my lawyer, Sherman Riggs, at his office. We spent a little time going over the various forms that we would file in court. Making sure the information was correct and notarizing what needed to be.

Then we walked across the street to the court house and went into the room for the Shelby District Court.

And then we waited.

Everyone that needs to use the District Court for probate meets at the court house on Monday morning at 10:30am. Then you wait till they call your name.

Around 11am I heard the Honorable Donna Dutton call for, “The estate of Richard Morgan Mudd.” Sherman and I walked up to the judge’s bench.

We spent a few minutes as the judge and the attorney went over the papers. Judge Dutton and I chatted a little – our daughter Sarah used to babysit for the judge.

I was then asked to raise my right hand and swear an oath that I would do my best to properly take care of administering Richard’s estate.

Then we went across the hall and stood in line at the office of the District Court Clerk. Here we got the judges orders notarized. It cost $91 to file the papers. [Editorial Rant] What do the taxes we pay do anyway? You still have to pay a big fee when you use the court system. The same court system you pay taxes to support. Geez. [End Editorial Rant]

Then it was back to the attorney’s office to go over the next steps.

After finishing up with Sherman, I went to the cemetery and told Richard all about how I was going to lose money getting access to his mutual fund account. Just so he wouldn’t haunt me for leaving it behind.

09/22/2009
The Big Game

Richard was a big sports fan. His bedroom is decorated in Miami Dolphins colors. They were his favorite NFL team.

We had many sports talks. The sports minded members of my family are University of Kentucky fans. I went to school there in the 70’s . My parents had season tickets to the football games. My dad and I still go to all the home games along with my brother and his wife. So Richard decided he would be the fly in the ointment and be a University of Louisville fan. UK and UofL don’t like one another.

I think he did this mostly to irritate my brother Stuart.

I always felt he was mostly faking it. He always followed UK a lot more closely than he did Louisville. He just liked to argue.

This fall Richard was supposed to be attending the University of Kentucky for the first time. He was excited about it.

He had big plans for the annual UK vs UL football game. It was a home game for UK. Richard planned to wear his UL red t-shirt to the game. Right in the middle of the UK student section. We talked about it often.

I was really looking forward to tailgating with my son and his girlfriend at all the games this fall. I have been going to these games with my dad for many years, and looked forward to continuing this tradition with Richard for many more years.

But Richard never got to attend UK.

I thought about wearing a UL shirt in memory of him. But I knew the emotional load would be too much. I would have spent the entire game remembering why I was wearing the wrong colors.

I guess the games will never be the same.

09/20/2009
Franklin on Death

The founders of our nation were pretty smart folks.

Following the death of his brother John Franklin, Benjamin Franklin wrote this letter to Elizabeth Hubbard, his brothers stepdaughter, on February 22, 1756

Dear Child,

I condole with you, we have lost a most dear and valuable relation, but it is the will of God and Nature that these mortal bodies be laid aside, when the soul is to enter into real life: ’tis rather an embrio state, a preparation for living: a man is not completely born until he be dead: Why then should we grieve that a new child is born among the immortals? A new member added to thier happy society? We are spirits. That bodies should be lent us, while they can afford us pleasure, assist us in acquiring knowledge, or doing good to our fellow creatures, is a kind and benevolent act of God. When they become unfit for these purposes and afford us pain instead of pleasure — instead of an aid, become an incumbrance and answer none of the intentions for which they were given, it is equally kind and benevolent that a way is provided by which we may get rid of them. Death is that way. We ourselves prudently choose a partial death. In some cases a mangled painful limb, which cannot be restored, we willingly cut off. He who plucks out a tooth, parts with it freely since the pain goes with it, and he that quits the whole body, parts at once with all pains and possibilities of pain and diseases it was liable to or capable of making him suffer.

Our friend and we are invited abroad on a party of pleasure–that is to last forever. His chair was first ready and he is gone before us. We could not all conveniengly start together, and why should you and I be grieved at this, since we are soon to follow, and we know where to find him.

Addieu.
B. F.

09/18/2009
Trouble at the Cemetery

Got a call last week from Mark at the cemetery.

“Someone put up a rock border around your son’s headstone.”

Well, yeah. Debbie and I spent an entire Sunday afternoon putting that there. We wanted to get it looking nice for Richard’s birthday.

It was hard work. The sod in that area of the cemetery has a tough root system. It didn’t come up easily. The ground was like concrete. We dug some of it out and added nice planting soil we got from Lowe’s.

Well, it seems rock and stone edging is against the rules. Liability issues.

So, this past weekend we went back and removed the edging stones.

For now we didn’t put in a new edging. Only wood and plastic are allowed. Didn’t see any that are pleasing to us. We added a few more flowers too.

Richard’s grave with the dangerous edging removed.

09/17/2009
Probate Problems

I was supposed to go to court on Monday to start probate on Richard’s estate.

The purpose of the proceeding is to give me legal authority to handle Richard’s financial affairs. I need this authority to close out his accounts and clear up the final details of his financial life.

My lawyer called today. Whether by a mistake of his staff or the clerk at the courthouse, our case didn’t get on the docket for Monday. It will have to wait till next week.

We had to wait 3 months to get the death certificate. I guess one more week won’t be that important in the final big picture.

Frustrating though.

09/10/2009