Grieving Parent

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  • Memorial Montage

    Memorial Montage

    Memories.

    As grieving parents, they’re all we have left of our missing child.

    Pictures are one of the best ways to share those memories. But if you’re like us, those pictures may be squirreled away in boxes, or in  many photo albums. We’ve got another option to help put your child’s life on display – the photo montage.

    Richard’s “official” date of death was May 28. That is when he was discovered. He had actually passed on several days before that – I’m certain it was on the 23rd. Because of this, his body was in bad shape. We couldn’t have an open casket at the visitation service. We’ve never seen the dead Richard.

    Richard was a great kid, and we wanted to show him off to people that came to the service. We had lot’s of pictures. With the help of our daughter Sarah, their cousins Hannah and Shelby, and Richard’s girl friend Ivy, we assembled a couple of nice photo albums. We had these out at the funeral home for people to enjoy.

    One service our funeral home offers is a photo montage of the deceased. We got the biggest one – 30 X 40.

    I handed them about 35 pictures of Richard at 5pm Saturday afternoon and the montage was ready at the visitation service the next morning. It was placed in a temporary frame and displayed on an easel.

    We were able to take our guests over to the montage and share Richard’s life with them.

    That montage really did show our kid. It was him, from the day he was born til just before his death. Richard being Richard – smiling and enjoying life. Bringing joy to those around him.

    We’ve had it framed and it now hangs on the wall in our TV room. That way I can still watch football games with my kid.

    Turns out the funeral home doesn’t do these montages on-site. They have it done at Memory Lane Montages in Frankfort, KY.

    Rogers Funeral Home in Frankfort started offering this montage service for their customers. It became popular. So popular in fact, they spun this off into a separate business. They now have contracts with several area funeral homes. They also sell direct to the public through their website. Funeral homes go to the front of the line, so don’t expect an overnight turn around on your order. It can take several weeks.

    We are very pleased with our montage of Richard. It is now a family heirloom.

    Visit Memory Lane Montages Online.

  • New Attitude on Dying

    New Attitude on Dying

    OK I’ll admit it. The idea of dying has always scared me to death.

    I’ve never wanted to do it.

    After I reached my 50th birthday I figured I had just started living my second fifty years. I’ve always wanted to live as long as possible.

    Losing one of my children has changed my attitude.

    If I have any chance to see my kid again, it will come through death.

    No I don’t have any plans to speed the process up. But it’s no longer so scary.

    Maybe part of this is because I feel I’ve lost a big part of my reason for life. Yes that’s silly. I still have much to be thankful and happy for. But I do feel lost.

    And I do want to see Richard again. He doesn’t seem to be able to come to me, so I’ll have to go to him. Only one way to do that.

    So when the time comes, I won’t be so afraid.

  • The Four Month Report

    The Four Month Report

    It has now been 4 months since the “official” date of Richard’s death.

    Just thought I’d list a few observations about where we are in our grieving process.

    I don’t cry as much. Not openly. I cry inside just as much. I still miss my kid.

    Debbie and I go to work everyday. We’ve done this since about 3 weeks after Richard’s funeral. I don’t know how effective Debbie is at her job, but I find myself staring off in la-la-land a lot.

    I still think about Richard all the time. It’s like I have the Richard channel running in my brain. It’s 24/7 programming. Anything else must somehow rise above this channel to get attention.

    I feel an enormous emptiness inside. Richard was our baby. He was the last one that was dependent on us financially. He was a full time college student. We paid all his tuition and lodging expenses. We also provided him a car and insurance. I was paying these bills on a pay-as-you-go basis. It took everything I could make to keep up. It was my focus and my purpose in life. That is now gone. Yeah, it’s much easier financially. But I feel like a boat that’s lost its rudder and I just drift around where the currents take me. I don’t have a purpose anymore.  I just go through the motions.

    Debbie still cries when we attend a “Richard Mass.” These are the masses that supporters have said in Richard’s memory. There has been at least 1 every week since after his funeral. We’ve been to every one of them.

    I still feel a great sense of guilt. I should have been able to keep this from happening. I knew how Richard was, because he was very much like me. I knew that he would trust the medical establishment to not give him bad medication. I knew he wouldn’t ask his doctor before taking the generic form of his seizure prevention medication. I should have nagged him into it. Now he’s gone.

    It still chokes me up when I think about the tremendous support we’ve been shown by everyone around us – family, co-workers, fellow parishioners. The prayers and thoughts help.

  • Gifts at the Grave

    Gifts at the Grave

    I visited Richard’s grave the other day and found a new addition – pictured above.

    Richard had many good friends. His passing affected them as well as it did us. They miss him too.

    They visit his grave. We’ve been there a few times when they’ve arrived.

    Other times they’ve left clues. Like these soft drinks that were Richard’s favorites.

    It’s comforting to know that they cared about our kid. And that they still think about him and pray for him. We’re glad he had them in his life.

  • The Richard Book

    The Richard Book

    Debbie’s birthday was last month.

    Her gift from our daughter Sarah arrived from Texas the other day. In the enclosed birthday card, Sarah instructed her mom to share the gift with me. There was a pack of Kleenex attached to the gift, warning of an emotional surprise inside.

    It was a special gift indeed.

    Inside was a custom-made book that Sarah created for us.

    Within the leather bound covers were 30+ pages of Richard pictures. Many of the glossy pages also had Bible verses or other quotes that Sarah had selected.

    There was the letter I wrote for display at the funeral home. And Father Bill’s sermon from the funeral mass.

    It had to take Sarah a lot of time and thought to make this beautiful book. It will be a family heirloom.

    The tissues were a good touch too.