Grieving Parent

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  • Burnt Bacon

    Burnt Bacon

    Richard was a Boy Scout.

    His troop was very active. They did a lot of fun things, and of course camping was big on the list.

    One morning Debbie was fixing breakfast. Frying bacon.

    Richard came into the kitchen and asked, “Mom would you make some of the bacon black?”

    “Why?” she asked.

    “We had some like that at camp last weekend and it was really good.”

    So Debbie burned some of the bacon for him.

    At breakfast Richard dug in. He had a bit of a funny look, but he ate his black bacon.

    He later told Debbie that it hadn’t tasted as good as it had when he was camping out.

    And thus Richard learned one of life’s great lessons. Just about everything tastes better out in the open air. This is especially true for breakfast cooked over an open fire. There’s just something about the great outdoors that’s a flavor enhancer for food.

    He never asked his momma to cook black bacon again.

  • The Grandmother of Grief?

    The Grandmother of Grief?

    Both days of the recent conference by TCF Frankfort, KY opened in a session with Darcie Sims. She told us, “I’m probably the oldest member of TCF,” at least based on the time she’s been a bereaved mom – 34 years. In fact she was one of the early leaders in growing TCF into a national organization.

    If you go to her website you’ll find enough letters after her name to keep Vanna White busy for awhile. Letters like Ph.D., CHT, CT, and GMS. I have no idea what most of those mean except the lady has some serious training.

    And that training did nothing to prepare her for the pain and grief she experienced when her son “Big A” died.

    The first day she went through her experience as a bereaved parent.

    It was a standup comedy act with tear jerking insights tossed in. That’s right, she had a room full of grieving parents, siblings, and grandparents laughing often.  Like all good humor, her jokes and comments were funny because they hit at the heart of reality.

    At her first Compassionate Friends meeting she told about the leader’s innovative technique, having them all sit in a circle and touch knees. Sit on the chair with their legs spread so their knees would be touching their neighbors. Pretty dumb idea right? But no one questioned it. Because we grieving parents are crazy and we’ll do most anything to take away the pain. She did note the women wore pants after the first meeting.

    She informed those of us that are still in our “year of firsts” that we’ve had it easy so far. The second year is harder. As she explained, “at first we’re frozen.” After the first year we thaw out. Then we really feel the pain.

    That’s a very chilling thought.

  • How to Decorate a Table

    How to Decorate a Table

    We’re attending the regional conference of The Compassionate Friends in Frankfort, KY this weekend.

    The conference began in the main conference room of the Capital Plaza Hotel. The tables were very nicely decorated.

    But I have to tell you, this is the first party I’ve ever been to with such unusual table decorations. Part of the decorations, right there with the center piece was a box of tissue.

    They also provided each of us with a goodie bag. And there was a pack of tissues in there too.

    Just a hint of the hard work in front of us.

  • St. Patrick

    St. Patrick

    Today is St. Patrick’s Day.

    St Patrick's Day clothes

    Pictured above is my uniform for the day. They were Richard’s clothes.

    One of the sacraments in the Catholic church is Confirmation. When we were babies our parents chose to have us baptized into the Catholic church. When we get older, usually middle school aged, we confirm that we choose this faith for ourselves. One element of the Sacrament of Confirmation is choosing a Confirmation name. The young person picks the name of a saint to be their patron.

    Richard chose Patrick as his confirmation name.

    We are having today’s mass offered for Richard.

    We also bought some shamrocks to plant at his grave. But not knowing how cold/frost tolerant they are, we’ll wait for warmer weather to actually put them in the ground.

    This is a prayer composed by St. Patrick, also known as “St. Patrick’s Breast-Plate.”

    I bind to myself today
    The strong virtue of the Invocation of the Trinity:
    I believe the Trinity in the Unity
    The Creator of the Universe.

    I bind to myself today
    The virtue of the Incarnation of Christ with His Baptism,
    The virtue of His crucifixion with His burial,
    The virtue of His Resurrection with His Ascension,
    The virtue of His coming on the Judgement Day.

    I bind to myself today
    The virtue of the love of seraphim,
    In the obedience of angels,
    In the hope of resurrection unto reward,
    In prayers of Patriarchs,
    In predictions of Prophets,
    In preaching of Apostles,
    In faith of Confessors,
    In purity of holy Virgins,
    In deeds of righteous men.

    I bind to myself today
    The power of Heaven,
    The light of the sun,
    The brightness of the moon,
    The splendour of fire,
    The flashing of lightning,
    The swiftness of wind,
    The depth of sea,
    The stability of earth,
    The compactness of rocks.

    I bind to myself today
    God’s Power to guide me,
    God’s Might to uphold me,
    God’s Wisdom to teach me,
    God’s Eye to watch over me,
    God’s Ear to hear me,
    God’s Word to give me speech,
    God’s Hand to guide me,
    God’s Way to lie before me,
    God’s Shield to shelter me,
    God’s Host to secure me,
    Against the snares of demons,
    Against the seductions of vices,
    Against the lusts of nature,
    Against everyone who meditates injury to me,
    Whether far or near,
    Whether few or with many.

    I invoke today all these virtues
    Against every hostile merciless power
    Which may assail my body and my soul,
    Against the incantations of false prophets,
    Against the black laws of heathenism,
    Against the false laws of heresy,
    Against the deceits of idolatry,
    Against the spells of women, and smiths, and druids,
    Against every knowledge that binds the soul of man.

    Christ, protect me today
    Against every poison, against burning,
    Against drowning, against death-wound,
    That I may receive abundant reward.

    Christ with me, Christ before me,
    Christ behind me, Christ within me,
    Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
    Christ at my right, Christ at my left,
    Christ in the fort,
    Christ in the chariot seat,
    Christ in the poop [deck],
    Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,
    Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks to me,
    Christ in every eye that sees me,
    Christ in every ear that hears me.

    I bind to myself today
    The strong virtue of an invocation of the Trinity,
    I believe the Trinity in the Unity
    The Creator of the Universe.

    We need no special days to remember Richard, in fact we think of him every day. But this is a day to honor his memory and his spirit.

    And to miss him.

  • TCF Regional Conference

    TCF Regional Conference

    We’ve been doing some crafts lately. Making some pretty horseshoes.

    We’ll be going to the Frankfort Compassionate Friends regional conference this coming weekend. The people attending the conference will receive a gift bag. I don’t know what all will be in that bag, but I do know it will have a real nice horseshoe.

    The idea of a conference for people that have lost a child just seems so wrong.

    But there are a bunch of us out there.

    The conference is named “Remembering, Helping, Healing.” I know all of us grieving parents need those things.

    Maybe I’ll see you there.