Grieving Parent

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  • Richard Returns

    Richard Returns

    It’s been over 14 months since Richard’s death. Last night was the second time I’ve seen him in a dream.

    This still surprises me. Seems like I’d dream about him all the time. But I don’t.

    This time he was only there for a few seconds. I don’t remember the exact details, but it seems he was breathing hard and sweaty, maybe he had been doing some type of sport. But he had that great smile.

    And then he was gone. I knew instantly that I was dreaming. I didn’t feel like he was there in the room with me.

    Still it was nice to see his smiling face again.

    I don’t really have that much to say about this, but I’m posting it here so I can remember when it happened.

  • Testing One, Two, Three…

    Testing One, Two, Three…

    It’s been there for over a year now.

    Sitting right on my computer desk.

    One of the things I brought home from Richard’s apartment was that microcassette recorder pictured above. There were several cassettes, all looking new and unused.

    I finally popped them into the recorder and hit play.

    They were mostly blank.

    But on one was Richard’s voice, “Testing one, two, three, four, five…” Yes he was thorough.

    It was nice to hear his voice again, like it sounded just 14 months ago. I wish there had been more.

    We have many videos of the kids. I haven’t developed the courage yet to watch them. But I think they were all from a time when he was young, still just a child. As he reached the teens and young adulthood he didn’t cooperate much with the movie thing.

    So this cassette may be the only recording of his adult voice.

    I’d like to hear the real thing, live.

    But maybe it’s better than nothing.

  • Another Brick on the Walk

    Another Brick on the Walk

    We have another Richard brick.

    There’s a nice little park in Frankfort, KY called Cove Spring Park. Way off in the back corner, tucked into the trees, is a beautiful memorial garden sponsored by The Compassionate Friends of Frankfort, KY. At the center of the garden is a raised round flower bed, with a statue in the middle. Paver brick surrounds the flower bed.

    Many of those bricks have names. And dates. One has Richard’s name and his time on earth.

    Sunday they held a brick laying ceremony and a balloon release. There are now more than 100 memorial bricks in that garden. The number of  tears those bricks represent is uncountable.

    After the balloons disappeared from view we enjoyed a potluck style picnic.

    It was nice spending time, enjoying life, laughing and eating with others in TCF. People from all walks of life and different stages in the grief journey, that have become brothers and sisters because of a bond we never wanted to share.

    Click the thumbnail pictures below to see larger images.

  • Travel

    Travel

    We went on a short vacation last week.  I’m not a big fan of traveling, but I think it helped.

    Staying busy is a good thing. It helps you stay out of that dark hole grieving parents can sink into so quickly. But it seems to help more if it’s something out of the ordinary.

    I can stay busy mowing the grass or something routine like that. But I can do that on autopilot, so my mind still can think about how much I miss Richard. Doing something different keeps my brain occupied.

    We went to Mount Vernon during the beginning of our trip. I’ve always wanted to see it. Washington was our greatest leader.

    I visited him at his tomb. I had a talk with him – a silent talk – I didn’t want all those other people around me to think I was nuts.

    I asked him how he and Martha handled it, loosing a child. It was much more common back then. I’m sure it wasn’t any easier though. Yet he and others like him did handle it. And they started a new nation.

    Maybe that was their secret. Starting a country would have to keep you pretty darn busy.

  • Living the Years

    Living the Years

    I like the Abraham Lincoln quote in the picture above.

    In many ways it describes Richard’s time here on earth. He had a lot of life in those short years. We have a big montage of him. There are many pictures of him doing things, trying new stuff.  There are so many more similar pictures that didn’t make it onto the montage – we were limited to 30 or so images.

    He lived.

    And he enjoyed the living. I know that’s true because he smiled most of the time. Even when things got tough, he’d get this little grin on his face and plod onward.

    Our task as grieving parents is to start living again.

    I always admired Richard’s ability to keep his head up when faced with strong adversity. He never faced an adversity like what we face now. But I’m determined to remember his example and live up to it. I keep picturing that impish grin in my mind and plod onward.

    If you want the picture above (it makes a good wallpaper for your computer desktop) here is a link to a 1600px X 1200px version you can save to your computer.

    Lincoln quote wallpaper 274K

    And here is an even larger version, 2560px X 1600px suitable for printing.

    Lincoln quote printable 504K