Author: Joe Mudd

  • A Meeting Place For Grieving Dads

    A Meeting Place For Grieving Dads

    Being a grieving dad is no fun. It has all this emotion stuff. Let’s face it, most of us guys aren’t too good with that kind of stuff. And the resources geared toward grieving dads seem to be limited.

    Kelley Farley, a two time grieving dad, is trying to improve that. He’s working on a book for and about grieving dads. He also has a blog.

    One of the posts on Kelly’s blog, Nightmares Have Taken the Place of Dreams, has become something of a meeting place for dads trying to deal with the loss of a child.

    In his blog post he shares the story of Jody Dark Eagle Breedlove, who lost his son to suicide two years ago. It is a very powerful story and a testimony of the struggles of dealing with this sort of huge loss.

    Other dads left encouragement for Jody in the comments. Jody responded.

    The post was written in June. It has continued to be a place where dads come to post in the comments when they need a little help from their fellow grieving dads. It’s not the normal way blog posts work, but there’s really nothing normal about dealing with the loss of a child.

    So maybe you might like to check it out. You should probably bookmark it so you don’t have to search for it every time you go on Kelley’s blog like I do.

    Oh, if you leave a comment make sure to check the box to get notified when a new comment is added so you can stay in touch.

  • Watching Football

    Watching Football

    Football season was always one of my favorite times with Richard – at least during his more adult years.

    While he lived in Lexington he came to most of our pre-game tailgate parties at Commonwealth stadium, when we went to UK games. He didn’t miss much free food. He also liked to come and “discuss” the game.

    We discussed and debated a lot of games. OK, we argued about some of them. But it was always in good fun for us both.

    But anyway, we watched a lot of games together on TV. College games. NFL games. Lot’s of football.

    His room is decorated in a Miami Dolphins theme. He had a Dan Marino bobble-head.

    So this year to celebrate the new season I brought down Richard’s TV set and replaced ours with his. He had a very nice big screen LCD HDTV. According to his cousins – former roommates – Richard was very proud of his TV. It’s much bigger than our little 32″ LCD model. It’s been setting up in his room with all the stacks of his other stuff we brought back from his apartment.

    So now I watch football on Richard’s TV. I’m sure he’s pleased about that. He tried to get us to buy one like it when we got our little set.

    I guess using his TV gives me a little piece of him. A very little piece of him.

    But grieving parents have to take what we can get.

  • Silence of the Birds

    Silence of the Birds

    It’s Halloween. Richard always had a good time with Halloween.

    So after church this morning we stopped in Kroger and got a couple of helium filled Mylar Halloween balloons to take to the cemetery.

    It was a beautiful morning, perfectly clear sky and crisp but not too cool air.

    A hundred feet or so from Richard’s grave is a small grove of trees. There are a couple of real tall trees there. As we left our car and started walking to Richard’s grave we were greeted  with birds chirping. It sounded like hundreds of them, coming from those trees. Reminded me of the old Alfred Hitchcock movie The Birds. They were just chattering up a storm.

    So we were standing there holding our balloons and talking to Richard. The birds were making a racket.  We couldn’t see them, but it sounded like those trees were filled with them.

    Finally we told Richard happy Halloween and Debbie and I released our balloons into the air, hoping maybe they would sail up to him in heaven.

    As our fingers pulled away from the strings and the balloons started to rise into the sky – the cemetery went silent. Not a tweet. It was like the birds just vanished.

    We watched the balloons rise higher and higher, until they vanished into the sun filled sky.

    And the birds were still silent.

    We stayed a little while longer, talking to Richard more. And the birds never made another sound. It was still quiet when we left.

    That was really kind of weird.

  • Zombie Shopping

    Zombie Shopping

    Richard spent a few months working at Sears. He was in the tool department.

    He also liked Halloween.

    He always liked to run the haunted house at our church’s annual Halloween party. He was big into fake blood. He liked to paint on all sorts of cuts and bruises, black eyes and missing teeth. He had a very worn and torn t-shirt he always wore.

    Sears is running a special Halloween website. It has Zombies. They use Sears appliances for things most people don’t think of. Like chilling brains in the fridge.

    Richard would have approved.

  • Memorializing FaceBook

    Memorializing FaceBook

    Richard had a Facebook account. Not too surprising, nearly every college kid does.

    It’s sort of a piece of his life, dangling out there in cyberspace.

    Debbie was one of his “friends” on Facebook. I wasn’t.

    Facebook started out being limited to students only. Later they opened it up to everyone, and all us old people invaded the young people’s turf. I didn’t request to be friends with our kids or our nieces because I didn’t want them to feel like I was snooping. I decided to let them make the first move. Richard never sent that friend request.

    Debbie likes to go on his profile from time to time. His friends leave comments. It’s important to us to have his Facebook profile stay there.

    But he hasn’t logged on in a long time. Facebook has made many changes and Richard hasn’t been there to respond.

    So we’re worried his profile might be deleted someday. Debbie says that would feel like losing him all over again.

    So we looked for some way to protect his account. And Facebook has something.

    You can memorialize the profile of a deceased loved one. The “wall” remains active, so family and friends (active Facebook friends only) can post to the wall. The account is secured and locked down.

    So we requested to have his account memorialized.

    If you need to do this for someone you love here is the link to the Facebook form:

    http://www.facebook.com/help/contact.php?show_form=deceased