Grieving Parent

Author: Joe Mudd

  • Life Returns to the Cemetery

    Life Returns to the Cemetery

    I guess it’s true that life goes on.

    This winter has been long and cold. Really it has been cold since Richard died. I don’t remember a summer as cool as the past summer was. The grass stayed green the entire time.

    And the winter bleakness has lasted very long.

    But it seems life is returning.

    The pansies we put at Richard’s grave last fall are blooming.

    And popping up out of the hole in the ground in front of my mom’s tombstone are crocus. Their yellow blooms promise better things ahead.

    We can only hope that life will return to our hearts too.

    Crocus blooms pop up from the hole where one of our live Christmas trees used to be
    Crocus blooms pop up from the hole where one of our live Christmas trees used to be.
  • When Should You Return to Work?

    When Should You Return to Work?

    A big question many of us must face after losing a child is when do I go back to work?

    Most are probably like me – you need the money, so you have to go back as soon as your employer’s funeral leave has ended.

    My employer gives us 5 days paid time off for the loss of a close family member, including one of our children. I took a week of vacation after this so we could take Sarah back to Texas.

    At first I thought it would be better to get back to some form of “normal.” Keep busy. That sort of thing.

    A coworker lost his step-daughter a few years back. He told me his wife was basically nonfunctional for three months after her death. He was able to get some medical leave for this time period.

    I’m starting to think that would be a good plan.

    I have a job that involves industrial equipment. I can be dangerous – to myself and others. I really had no business being in that position for a long time after I went back to work. I had absolutely no focus on the job.

    I can now usually concentrate enough, for long enough to get tasks accomplished.

    But I have to act like I’m not thinking about Richard all the time. And that’s exhausting.

    By the end of the week I’m worn out. I’m glad the economy has slowed and we aren’t working any weekends.

    So I’m wondering if it wouldn’t have been better to be off for several months early on. Maybe get past some of the stress.

    Or maybe you never get past the stress.

  • Onions

    Onions

    One of the best things for spiritual healing is to get outside. Into the sunshine – into the light.

    Winter makes this hard to do. But spring is finally offering it’s first teasing tastes of better days ahead.

    This weekend brought us temps in the low 50’s and sunshine.

    I went out to my garden and planted some onions.

    I felt good to be in the warm rays of the sun again. To breath fresh healing air.

    As I worked on my knees putting the onion plants into the soil I heard a noise. It was in the stack of tomato cages I have piled up in the middle of the garden. I thought there were birds in there flapping around. But no birds. Just air swirling around with a bunch of leaves. A mini tornado. It moved around inside the cages, then worked its way to the end of the pile and moved away.

    I got up to go to the shed. Another mini tornado popped up in front of me. It swilled around before me. Sort of led the way to the shed then vanished.

    Was that some kind of sign from Richard? Or just the spring breeze?

    Who knows?

    Like most of life since Richard left us, I have no answers.

    Just lots of questions.

  • Lighting Candles at Church

    Lighting Candles at Church

    The Compassionate Friends have an annual candle lighting ceremony and lighting candles is an important ritual in the Catholic Church. I light candles for Richard at least once a week.

    So why do we light candles?

    In lighting candles we see our prayer rising up to heaven. We join our prayer in solidarity with others that have lit candles before us.

    Also in the literature about life after death you see a lot about moving into the light. And in the Bible, Christ says, “I am the light of the world.” So our candles become a symbol of the One Light of Christ.

    In Catholic churches candles are usually placed before statues of saints. In our church the candles are before statues of the Blessed Mother and Joseph. In our faith we ask these saints to intercede on our behalf. With their personal relationships with Christ, we believe their intercession gives our prayer more power.

    While saying prayers for Richard and others I love, I also offer prayers for those souls that don’t have anyone on earth praying for them.

  • Miracles

    Miracles

    Church can be a dangerous place for a grieving parent.

    In his sermon Sunday, Father Bill mentioned some miracles. He started with several taken from the Bible, including the story of Christ raising a little dead girl back to life.

    Father Bill then told us of a local family. One of the boy’s in the family was getting ready for major surgery and was afraid. But he never had the surgery. When the doctors took some pre-op pictures, the mass they were intending to remove was already gone.  It had just vanished.

    And he told us about a local man with some form of cancer and in bad shape. But his illness had suddenly gone into total remission.

    And while listening to this, I looked over at Paula in the choir. Her husband had cancer. I remember when a bunch of us placed our hands on him a prayed for his cure. And his cancer took his life. I wondered if Paula was thinking, “Where was my husband’s miracle?”

    Richard was as loved and prayed for as anyone could be. From everything I knew about him and what others told me about him, he lived a good life. He had faith. Where was his miracle?

    So many questions with no answers.