When the kids were young one of my jobs was reading to them at night. First I’d read to Richard, then I’d go upstairs and read to Sarah. It gave me a chance to spend one-on-one time with my kids.

I got to read a lot of good books I wouldn’t have ever read on my own.

It was one of my favorite times. I read to them long after they could read to themselves. It was just a nice time.

Richard was a Harry Potter fan. The Harry Potter series was on our reading list.

Unfortunately because of my work schedule, I was only able to read on the weekends when we were reading the Potter books. If you’ve ever read them, you know most of these novels are long. Reading them only a couple of nights a week, it took a long time to plow through them.

Richard couldn’t wait. On weeknights He’d sneak into our bedroom and get the book (I kept his current book on my bedside table), and read ahead. He then put the bookmark back where we had left off so I wouldn’t know.

So he’d get a double dose of Harry Potter.

If you’ve somehow managed to miss out on the Harry Potter story, Harry was a young wizard. Most of the action takes place at Hogwarts, a school for apprentice wizards and witches.

His studies at Hogwarts included classes on spells. There were many exciting moments as the young students tried their luck at spell making.

One spell was intended to call up their Patronus – a personal protector that guarded them from the dark forces.

The spell required the use of a magic wand, thinking of powerful good thoughts and shouting out, “Expecto Patronum!”

Here’s what Wikipedia says that phrase means:

Expecto Patronum is correct classical Latin for “I await a protector”.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could work the Expecto Patronum spell and protect our children?

You could just point your trusty magic wand at the bad guys and other dangers of life, think up lovely thoughts… I’d probably remember the fun I had reading to my kids… take a deep breath and scream out at the top of your lungs…

“EXPECTO PATRONUM!!!”

Out would pop the magic Patronus to protect your kids. They seemed to take the form of an animal in the Harry Potter books, so Richard’s would probably be a cat.

But that’s in Harry Potter. Fiction. This is real. There are no magic wands.

So we end up at a website like this.

Richard spent a few months working at Sears. He was in the tool department.

He also liked Halloween.

He always liked to run the haunted house at our church’s annual Halloween party. He was big into fake blood. He liked to paint on all sorts of cuts and bruises, black eyes and missing teeth. He had a very worn and torn t-shirt he always wore.

Sears is running a special Halloween website. It has Zombies. They use Sears appliances for things most people don’t think of. Like chilling brains in the fridge.

Richard would have approved.

Early in our marriage we decided to become a one-income family so Debbie could stay home with the kids.

This of course was tough for our young family to do. Money was tight. We had to do without and find bargains wherever we could.

Debbie and the kids were grocery shopping.  As they wheeled down the sugar isle she was delighted to find a bargain price for sugar. I don’t know how it is at your house, but with three kids, we went through a lot of sugar. This was one of those special deals, a super low price, used to get customers in the door. It was much lower than the normal price.

It was an ideal time to stock up.

One problem – the special price was limited – one per customer. But with Debbie and the three kids as customers, she could get four bags at the super low bargain price. Great!!

She put a bag in the cart and started passing each of the kids a bag, so they could take it through the checkout line.

Time to save some money.

But Richard didn’t want to play along. “I’m not a customer mom.”

Debbie tried to explain how to play the grocery game. How he would be a customer when he bought his bag of sugar.

“That would be cheating. I’m not really a customer. That’s lying.” Tears started running down his cheeks. His ethics could not be swayed.

We got one bag of bargain sugar.

Just for the record Richard, if you get the Internet up there and you’re reading this, I think it would’ve been OK to get the cheap sugar. You really would have been a customer if you only bought one bag of sugar.

And also for the record, I was always really proud of your honesty and integrity. Even when it cost us money.

It’s been over 14 months since Richard’s death. Last night was the second time I’ve seen him in a dream.

This still surprises me. Seems like I’d dream about him all the time. But I don’t.

This time he was only there for a few seconds. I don’t remember the exact details, but it seems he was breathing hard and sweaty, maybe he had been doing some type of sport. But he had that great smile.

And then he was gone. I knew instantly that I was dreaming. I didn’t feel like he was there in the room with me.

Still it was nice to see his smiling face again.

I don’t really have that much to say about this, but I’m posting it here so I can remember when it happened.

Richard and I were often told how much we were alike. I’m sure that didn’t bother me near as much as it did him. But it was true. In fact, I came to think of him as the new improved version of me.

One example of the apple not falling far from the tree – Cutco.

Back in the caveman era when I was attending the University of Kentucky I saw an ad in the Lexington paper offering a flexible good paying job to college kids. To find out more you had to attend a meeting at a local hotel. I went to the meeting.

Turns out the “job” was being a salesman for Cutco Cutlery.

Cutco makes kitchen knives and gadgets. They’re really great products. They’re also very expensive. They’re the kind of knives your kids will fight over when you pass on.

One of Cutco’s marketing models it having college kids sell their products. The salesperson went to the prospects house and gave a presentation. When it came time to talk price they always wanted you to quote the price on a weekly basis. They setup payment plans. The full price for a set of knives and kitchen accessories would cause sticker shock.

If you got good at selling knives they promised to move you up to the waterless cookware division where the money was better.

I signed up to be a salesman.

I have no idea why I did that. I was very shy. Going out and talking to strangers about expensive knives was way out of my comfort zone. The demonstrator set I bought was the only set I sold.

Imagine my surprise when Richard came home and asked us to buy some knives from him. Yep, he had signed up to sell Cutco.

He was much better at than I was.

The first step they teach is to make a list of all your relatives, friends, and acquaintances. This is your “warm market” – people that know you and will be more likely to listen to your presentation.

Richard did as instructed. He gave a lot of presentations. He sold something to just about everyone he talked to. He sold to the parents of his friends, his teachers, and people from church. I don’t think he hit the family members too much.

We would get reports back from people we know that bought knives from him. They were amazed at his professionalism. He was well known for his rather “casual” style of dress. He wore shorts and a t-shirt to church, even in the worst of winter cold. Having him show up in dress clothes and a tie was a shock for them.

This was one of his jobs during a summer break from college. I don’t think he ever sold a full set, but he sold something to just about everyone.

Seems like he got about a 10% commission. So spending an hour to sell someone a $70 knife didn’t make him rich. He did end up with a full set of knives and several kitchen gadgets – many of them prizes for high sells.

I was proud of him for overcoming his shyness and doing a hard job well.

Richard was a Boy Scout.

His troop was very active. They did a lot of fun things, and of course camping was big on the list.

One morning Debbie was fixing breakfast. Frying bacon.

Richard came into the kitchen and asked, “Mom would you make some of the bacon black?”

“Why?” she asked.

“We had some like that at camp last weekend and it was really good.”

So Debbie burned some of the bacon for him.

At breakfast Richard dug in. He had a bit of a funny look, but he ate his black bacon.

He later told Debbie that it hadn’t tasted as good as it had when he was camping out.

And thus Richard learned one of life’s great lessons. Just about everything tastes better out in the open air. This is especially true for breakfast cooked over an open fire. There’s just something about the great outdoors that’s a flavor enhancer for food.

He never asked his momma to cook black bacon again.

Today is St. Patrick’s Day.

Pictured above is my uniform for the day. They were Richard’s clothes.

One of the sacraments in the Catholic church is Confirmation. When we were babies our parents chose to have us baptized into the Catholic church. When we get older, usually middle school aged, we confirm that we choose this faith for ourselves. One element of the Sacrament of Confirmation is choosing a Confirmation name. The young person picks the name of a saint to be their patron.

Richard chose Patrick as his confirmation name.

We are having today’s mass offered for Richard.

We also bought some shamrocks to plant at his grave. But not knowing how cold/frost tolerant they are, we’ll wait for warmer weather to actually put them in the ground.

This is a prayer composed by St. Patrick, also known as “St. Patrick’s Breast-Plate.”

I bind to myself today
The strong virtue of the Invocation of the Trinity:
I believe the Trinity in the Unity
The Creator of the Universe.

I bind to myself today
The virtue of the Incarnation of Christ with His Baptism,
The virtue of His crucifixion with His burial,
The virtue of His Resurrection with His Ascension,
The virtue of His coming on the Judgement Day.

I bind to myself today
The virtue of the love of seraphim,
In the obedience of angels,
In the hope of resurrection unto reward,
In prayers of Patriarchs,
In predictions of Prophets,
In preaching of Apostles,
In faith of Confessors,
In purity of holy Virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.

I bind to myself today
The power of Heaven,
The light of the sun,
The brightness of the moon,
The splendour of fire,
The flashing of lightning,
The swiftness of wind,
The depth of sea,
The stability of earth,
The compactness of rocks.

I bind to myself today
God’s Power to guide me,
God’s Might to uphold me,
God’s Wisdom to teach me,
God’s Eye to watch over me,
God’s Ear to hear me,
God’s Word to give me speech,
God’s Hand to guide me,
God’s Way to lie before me,
God’s Shield to shelter me,
God’s Host to secure me,
Against the snares of demons,
Against the seductions of vices,
Against the lusts of nature,
Against everyone who meditates injury to me,
Whether far or near,
Whether few or with many.

I invoke today all these virtues
Against every hostile merciless power
Which may assail my body and my soul,
Against the incantations of false prophets,
Against the black laws of heathenism,
Against the false laws of heresy,
Against the deceits of idolatry,
Against the spells of women, and smiths, and druids,
Against every knowledge that binds the soul of man.

Christ, protect me today
Against every poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against death-wound,
That I may receive abundant reward.

Christ with me, Christ before me,
Christ behind me, Christ within me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ at my right, Christ at my left,
Christ in the fort,
Christ in the chariot seat,
Christ in the poop [deck],
Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks to me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

I bind to myself today
The strong virtue of an invocation of the Trinity,
I believe the Trinity in the Unity
The Creator of the Universe.

We need no special days to remember Richard, in fact we think of him every day. But this is a day to honor his memory and his spirit.

And to miss him.

I was often told that Richard was just like me. While not always true, one area we were in sync was our love of sports.

And Richard was a sportsaholic for sure.

Richard wasn’t a gifted athlete (sorry kid, but it’s true). But he had a big heart.

He loved to compete. And I think he really enjoyed being on a team and just hanging with the guys.

He’d play just about anything.

This is the inside of the trunk of Richard's car. He was always ready for a game - no matter what the sport.

As the picture above shows, he was always ready for a game. Missing from the picture are his racketball gear and his golf clubs.

In high school he was on the power weight lifting team, the ultimate frizbee team and he did shotput and discus on the track team.

He never could make the basketball team. But he played intramural basketball every year, often hunting down guys and starting his own team.

At one of the Compassionate Friends meetings Debbie went to, she had to bring in something that was important to Richard.

Richard’s state championship ring from the track team was one of those things. He was really proud of that.

This is Richard's state championship ring.

This is my first “March Madness” without Richard here to talk over the games with. You can bet he has his brackets filled out for the tournament.

The early rounds of the tournament have late games. It wasn’t unusual for a game to still be in progress when I got home from work at 12:30am. Debbie would be in bed sleeping and Richard would be sitting there with no lights on in the house watching the games. He would be updating his bracket.

We would watch the remainder of the games together and he’d update me on the games I missed. We’d usually get in a debate about who we thought would win the next round and why.

I’m really going to miss that.

He breaks his first board. I think it shocked him that he did it.

His first rodeo. OK, just kidding, but he was just too cute to pass on this picture.

Richard competing at shotput.

Throwing the discus.

Many times Richard and I were told we were just alike. One of our shared quirks was not liking it when someone was watching over our shoulder. We like our privacy.

When Richard was in his late teens and early twenties he didn’t often share what was going on in his “private life” with us – unless it required money from home. This didn’t bother me much because I knew Richard wasn’t doing anything bad and I understood him.

In October 2007, Debbie got a call from Richard’s roommate Drew. He was panicked because Richard was having a seizure. She told him to call an ambulance and have Richard taken to the nearest hospital. She called me at work and told me where they were taking him and we met at the hospital – St. Joseph’s.

He had a massive seizure. The emergency room people had a hard time calming his body down. He had to be put in restraints. They had a tough time getting an IV in him. Every time they tried to insert the needle he’d convulse, his muscles would tense with powerful contractions and the vein would collapse.

It was a long, tense time, but finally the drugs stopped the seizure activity and Richard slept.

It seems most people that have seizures come back around as soon as the seizure activity is over. They’re sleepy but alert.

Not Richard. His seizures were totally consuming. When the seizure was over he was out of it. The doctors and nurses couldn’t get him to respond for hours.

So we waited.

The afternoon pressed on into evening as we waited by his bed in the emergency room. As we sat there worrying, a little blond girl walked into the room. She glanced at us, went over to Richard and took his hand. She stood there with his hand in hers, gently stroking it with her other hand.

I looked at Debbie, she looked at me, both puzzled. Who was this person?

Finally we said, “Hi, we’re Richard’s parents. Who might you be?”

Her name was Ivy. Turns out she was Richard’s girl friend. And we’d never heard of her before.

Hell of a way to meet your kid’s girl friend.

We chatted during the early evening hours. We took her out to eat when it became obvious Richard was going to be out of it for a while.

She stayed with us for a long time that night. It was a comfort to have her there.

And when Richard finally woke up in the ICU the next day, having her there kept him from being depressed about having another seizure.

Ivy made Richard happy for the last couple of years of his life. We like her.

We just wish he’d have introduced us in a more conventional manner.

But that was Richard.

Of our three children, Richard probably looked most forward to Christmas.

He was four months old on his first Christmas. After we put the tree up we brought Richard into the room and put him on the floor in front of the tree. He lit up just like that tree. He just squealed and laughed. He wriggled and pushed those little arms and legs, trying with all his might to get over to the tree. He loved it.

As he got older he would always like to go over and lie down under the tree and look up at the lights from below.

He also loved the little snow globe that we set out at Christmas time. He would shake it up and watch the snow swirl around Santa over and over again. He’s holding one of these in the picture above.

Last year Debbie bought him a really nice snow globe. It has a wood base and a glass globe. And a music box built in. It was on the desk in his apartment when he died.

This snow globe was on Richard's desk in his apartment.

Richard insisted on following our family traditions. Wouldn’t hear of changing things.

We still had to put up his stocking every year. Always had to have country ham for breakfast.

The kids bedrooms are upstairs. When they were young they always had to stay upstairs on Christmas morning until we said it was OK to come down.

They might wake up an hour before we did, but they had to just wait on the old folks. They’d gather at the top of the stairs and try to peek down. Often we’d just lie in bed and listen to them. They’d be whispering to each other.

“Are they up yet?”

“I don’t see them anywhere.”

“Can you see any presents?”

“No, it’s too dark.”

Little by little their volume would increase. Finally they’d give up and start yelling at us to wake up.

I’d drag things out to tease them.

“Can we come down now?”

“No, we have get the tree lit up first.”

“Hurry up”  “Can we come down NOW?”

“Nope, I have to get the camera ready.” And on it would go.

Last year Richard was 22 at Christmas. He still waited at the top of the stairs for the all clear from mom and dad.