yours words has lifted me today, you say things that are true and heart filling, i can feel what you feel cause we are the same (in some sense). i was so excited to see the response i immediately told my husband “they responded”. my heart has been heavy for a couple of months now. im just now able to talk about our children however on the other hand my husband has no problem doing it. i love when he do cause it gives me an oppurtunity to see how he feels and to no that he’s stronger than me and we do grieve differently. i havent been able to put my son’s pictures back up, when he can look at his daughter( shes my step-daughter) but she was still mines. im not able to get rid of none of his things, i cant, not right now. i dont really no what will happen in the future but right now i just cant. i miss my my son(gavin) i want so bad for things to be like the were before but i no that will never happen. my life has changed dramatically, i only pray that this journey we’re taking will allow me to live and cope. keeps us in your prayers always.

As trite as it may sound, I am truly sorry about the loss of your children. Joe and I know very well there are really no words that can come close to helping you at a time like this. It is a Nightmare that never stops.

Our son, Richard has been gone two years and three months now and I still grieve. I will still be grieving his loss no matter how long I live. It changes and some days are worse than others. I haven’t been able to do anything about his room, except get rid of the bed I came to HATE for some reason I still don’t understand. But I’ve learned it doesn’t matter. I just needed it gone so it is.

Your suffering must be unbearable right now, after loosing both of your children within days of each other would be absolutely overwhelming. Your hearts are broken and aching. I was heart broken when Richard died, and my heart is still broken. The loss of our children is the most difficult thing parents have to suffer. It SUCKS!!! I can tell you there is no right way, or wrong way, we just have to do what helps us get through each day, one step at a time. And it is hard.

I’m glad you found my husband’s blog, perhaps reading some of the stories here about our journey will bring you some sense of comfort. I often come back here and read what Joe has written, he has a way of saying exactly what I’m feeling at times, some of his entries are humorous and will bring a smile to my heart when I need a lift and other times they help me reflect. I haven’t been able to express myself in this way, I just miss my baby boy all the time. You might try some of the books Joe has reviewed here. I haven’t read them, I can’t. Although I did read Heaven is Real and found it comforting. And I guess I have skimmed through some others.

One of the things I’ve found that has helped me is a group just for grieving parents, The Compassionate Friends, their national website http://www.compassionatefriends.org can help you locate a group in your area. I go to the meetings as often as I can, it is safe there. I can talk about our son, tell stories, cry, complain, listen to others going through exactly the same thing, and somehow it does help. Just knowing we’re not alone in our suffering, that there is someone out there who does understand. It doesn’t make it all go away, I don’t think anything ever will, but just having that support, a shoulder to lean or cry on, and is there ready to listen makes a difference.

I think the most important thing I can tell you about this horrible journey we are on is: Don’t let anyone tell you how to grieve, just allow yourselves to grieve. Do what is best for you, and don’t feel you have to “get over it” – you won’t. You will just learn to get up each day (somehow) and take one step at a time to get through another day. Most importantly, lean on each other, you and Waldo, love each other and be patient with each other. We all grieve differently and handle our feelings in many ways, like getting rid of a bed for some reason, just knowing I had to get it out.

Remember you and Waldo are not alone in this journey of grief there are thousands of us out there suffering right along with you. Please feel free to post on here any time, we will respond. And hold onto each other.

My thoughts and prayers are with you both,
Debbie

Birthdays are also tough, Richard’s is coming up at the end of this month. I have a couple of coworkers with the same birthday and I take them ice cream and cake. It let’s me celebrate Richard’s birthday in secret – and score points with my coworkers at the same time.

But like you say, there’s not a day they’re not in our thoughts. I wish I knew some magic words that would bring you peace as you grieve Stacie’s death. You’re in my prayers.

Let me know if you need a resend.