Month: June 2011

  • Purple Martin Air Force

    Purple Martin Air Force

    Squadron Leader: “Attack Group 1 – “Red alert! I repeat, red alert! Form up on my tail, we’re making a frontal assault”

    Purple Wing One: “Roger Squadron Leader. Purple Wing One forming on the right.”

    Purple Wing Two: “Purple Wing Two forming on your left wing, over.”

    Squadron Leader: “Attack Group 2 – form up on Purple Leader and attack from the rear. Come in low, then swoop high at ear level. Use caution around the grass discharge – it can wash you out.”

    Purple Leader: “Ready for the rear attack Squadron Leader.”

    Squadron Leader: “On my mark… Attack!”

    This little scene has been playing out in my yard every time I mow grass this summer.

    I’ve been mowing the lawn here for nearly three decades now, and I never saw a purple martin before last year.

    Last summer they would come out and attack me as I mowed down the hill in back of our house.

    This year they’re everywhere. They still patrol out along the backyard, but they now also show up around the garden and out in the front by the old garage.

    They do aerial maneuvers around me, often as many as 10 zipping past, in front and over me as I ride the lawn mower. They put on quite a show.

    Sometimes there will be two or three flying in tight formation across my path, like the air show for Thunder Over Louisville. Or they might come right at me, pulling up at the last second, flashing that yellow underbelly in my face. They do crisscross flights all around me. One came right past my left ear the other day.

    I have no idea where they came from – there are no martin houses anywhere close. They just showed up last summer.

    I’m sure many would see this as a sign. Richard using these birds to say hi.

    It could be. I don’t know. I’m not too good with this sign business. I think you need to have a strong connection to your right brain, the half that does all the artsy and emotional processing, to really grasp signs from the spirit world.

    I sort of pushed that side of my brain into the back closet when I decided I was going to be an engineer. I only need that logical left side to do that stuff.

    So I have no way of knowing if the purple martins are Richard saying “Hi dad.”

    It’s a nice thought.

    And the martins are entertaining.

  • Do You Watch Old Home Movies?

    Do You Watch Old Home Movies?

    My aunt Sally died last weekend. Her funeral was today.

    The funeral home people provided my uncle and cousins with a nice memorial page that included a slide show of pictures of Sally.

    I remember going through pictures of Richard on that night when we found out he was gone. The next day, Sarah, the cousins, and Richard’s girl friend Ivy went through boxes of pictures to pick out the ones to be used on the big montage. There were a lot of funny stories from the girls, and the day after we found out our son was dead, we found ourselves laughing.

    I have several pictures of my aunt Sally. I also have a very funny video of her.

    We have a family reunion every year at “the farm,” my dad’s home. It’s a big event. Everyone brings food. There’s enough fried chicken for an army, and all manner of side dishes.

    One year Sally was carrying a container of biscuits into the kitchen. Several biscuits fell out and landed on the floor. She made a quick look around, and seeing no one, she picked them up and put them back in the container. Unfortunately for Sally, I was in the next room with a video camera and caught the whole thing on tape.

    It was a big hit with the family when we played Sally sneaking the spilled biscuits back into the box. She got teased about it for several reunions afterward.

    I’m sure her family would like to have that video.

    But that would require me to go into that dangerous box. The one with the family videos.

    And I’d have to watch those movies to find the one with Sally and her biscuits.

    I’m just not that brave yet.

    There are so many wonderful memories on those VHS tapes. Archives of happy times. And Richard’s smiling face.

    I loved that face, and those smiles. I see them in my mind everyday.

    But I can’t watch them on the TV screen.

    Those memories are a treasure. They’re also a reminder of the great loss we feel. And that brings such pain.

    So I’m not brave enough to open that dangerous box.

    Not yet.

    Can you watch your old home movies?

  • Full Moon

    Full Moon

    When I got home from work the other night there was a big ol’ full moon in the midnight sky. Like I do most times the moon lights the sky, I stood there beside my car for several minutes just staring up at it.

    Richard always liked the moon.

    As I gazed up into the heavens I was thinking, “Richard are you up there?” In fact I even said it out loud.

    Is heaven “out there”, out in space with the moon and the stars? Is Richard floating around out there somewhere?

    Or is he still here on earth, but in some invisible dimension we mortals can’t see?

    I passed many return trips from work listening to Leonard Susskind’s The Black Hole War on the car stereo. It made my head hurt. He talked about all manner of physics. Things like string theory. He claims there are a whole bunch of dimensions. He can’t really prove this in any concrete way, sort of how we can’t prove the existence of heaven. Yet all the data and calculations seem to say all these dimensions exist.

    And another principal of physics he mentioned many times, because it is one of the core beliefs of physics… energy is never destroyed. It may change from one form to another, but energy is always conserved. It never goes away.

    We are energy.

    So it seems the belief that our souls live on is very possible. Physics doesn’t disprove it. We just convert to another form of energy. Move to another dimension.

    That dimension could be right here on earth with us. Our kids could still be right here in the house with us, just living on another dimensional plane, out of our sight.

    Or they could be out there in heaven.

    Maybe on that big ol’ full moon.