We’ve been doing some crafts lately. Making some pretty horseshoes.
We’ll be going to the Frankfort Compassionate Friends regional conference this coming weekend. The people attending the conference will receive a gift bag. I don’t know what all will be in that bag, but I do know it will have a real nice horseshoe.
The idea of a conference for people that have lost a child just seems so wrong.
But there are a bunch of us out there.
The conference is named “Remembering, Helping, Healing.” I know all of us grieving parents need those things.
I was often told that Richard was just like me. While not always true, one area we were in sync was our love of sports.
And Richard was a sportsaholic for sure.
Richard wasn’t a gifted athlete (sorry kid, but it’s true). But he had a big heart.
He loved to compete. And I think he really enjoyed being on a team and just hanging with the guys.
He’d play just about anything.
This is the inside of the trunk of Richard’s car. He was always ready for a game – no matter what the sport.
As the picture above shows, he was always ready for a game. Missing from the picture are his racketball gear and his golf clubs.
In high school he was on the power weight lifting team, the ultimate frizbee team and he did shotput and discus on the track team.
He never could make the basketball team. But he played intramural basketball every year, often hunting down guys and starting his own team.
At one of the Compassionate Friends meetings Debbie went to, she had to bring in something that was important to Richard.
Richard’s state championship ring from the track team was one of those things. He was really proud of that.
This is Richard’s state championship ring.
This is my first “March Madness” without Richard here to talk over the games with. You can bet he has his brackets filled out for the tournament.
The early rounds of the tournament have late games. It wasn’t unusual for a game to still be in progress when I got home from work at 12:30am. Debbie would be in bed sleeping and Richard would be sitting there with no lights on in the house watching the games. He would be updating his bracket.
We would watch the remainder of the games together and he’d update me on the games I missed. We’d usually get in a debate about who we thought would win the next round and why.
I’m really going to miss that.
He breaks his first board. I think it shocked him that he did it.His first rodeo. OK, just kidding, but he was just too cute to pass on this picture.Richard competing at shotput.Throwing the discus.
This winter has been long and cold. Really it has been cold since Richard died. I don’t remember a summer as cool as the past summer was. The grass stayed green the entire time.
And the winter bleakness has lasted very long.
But it seems life is returning.
The pansies we put at Richard’s grave last fall are blooming.
And popping up out of the hole in the ground in front of my mom’s tombstone are crocus. Their yellow blooms promise better things ahead.
We can only hope that life will return to our hearts too.
Crocus blooms pop up from the hole where one of our live Christmas trees used to be.
A big question many of us must face after losing a child is when do I go back to work?
Most are probably like me – you need the money, so you have to go back as soon as your employer’s funeral leave has ended.
My employer gives us 5 days paid time off for the loss of a close family member, including one of our children. I took a week of vacation after this so we could take Sarah back to Texas.
At first I thought it would be better to get back to some form of “normal.” Keep busy. That sort of thing.
A coworker lost his step-daughter a few years back. He told me his wife was basically nonfunctional for three months after her death. He was able to get some medical leave for this time period.
I’m starting to think that would be a good plan.
I have a job that involves industrial equipment. I can be dangerous – to myself and others. I really had no business being in that position for a long time after I went back to work. I had absolutely no focus on the job.
I can now usually concentrate enough, for long enough to get tasks accomplished.
But I have to act like I’m not thinking about Richard all the time. And that’s exhausting.
By the end of the week I’m worn out. I’m glad the economy has slowed and we aren’t working any weekends.
So I’m wondering if it wouldn’t have been better to be off for several months early on. Maybe get past some of the stress.
One of the best things for spiritual healing is to get outside. Into the sunshine – into the light.
Winter makes this hard to do. But spring is finally offering it’s first teasing tastes of better days ahead.
This weekend brought us temps in the low 50’s and sunshine.
I went out to my garden and planted some onions.
I felt good to be in the warm rays of the sun again. To breath fresh healing air.
As I worked on my knees putting the onion plants into the soil I heard a noise. It was in the stack of tomato cages I have piled up in the middle of the garden. I thought there were birds in there flapping around. But no birds. Just air swirling around with a bunch of leaves. A mini tornado. It moved around inside the cages, then worked its way to the end of the pile and moved away.
I got up to go to the shed. Another mini tornado popped up in front of me. It swilled around before me. Sort of led the way to the shed then vanished.
Was that some kind of sign from Richard? Or just the spring breeze?
Who knows?
Like most of life since Richard left us, I have no answers.
