Grieving Parent

Month: January 2010

  • GriefNet.org

    GriefNet.org

    GriefNet provides email support groups for all areas of grief. There are thirteen groups listed for loss of a child.

    GriefNet asks for a $10 per month donation to be part of a group. They say no one is turned away for financial reasons. They do offer a one month free trial so you can try it before making a donation.

    I joined the group for parents that have lost an adult child.

    The best I can tell, there is no access to past emails for the group. You only get an email if a parent sends one to the group. You then get all the replies to that email by other members. Traffic has been pretty slow in this group so far. Of course I could send an email to the group. But I don’t really know what I’d say or ask. It’s easier for me to join in a conversation that’s already started.

    I would get more out of GriefNet if it was set up as forums rather than email groups. If there were forums we could go back and view past topics. Forums also let users add profile information if they feel comfortable doing so. It would help me to see something about the other people I’m sharing my life with here. With the email group all I see is a name. I just don’t feel that connected. I must admit I’m not really fond of email groups and that may affect my opinion about this. If you like email groups this may work great for you.

    GriefNet has a library of articles on their website. It isn’t specific to bereaved parents, but there is some interesting stuff there.

    They also appear to have a place for you to setup a “virtual memorial” for your child. I didn’t set one up for Richard yet and I may not because this blog sort of serves that purpose. I didn’t see anything about charges for this service, so I assume it is free.

    Visit the GriefNet.org site here:

    http://www.griefnet

  • The Grief Roller Coaster

    The Grief Roller Coaster

    Life after lossing a child has been a big roller coaster ride.

    There have been a lot of deep plunges into the unknown.

    And then there have been times the track has leveled out, maybe even climbed a small hill or two.

    But the ride continues and the path ahead is uncertain.

    Right now the track has smoothed out some. Mostly because of the dream I had of Richard. I’ve felt more at peace since having that dream than at anytime since Richard left us.

    I don’t why – because it was just a dream. But it had a big impact.

    I don’t know how long this peace will last. The roller coaster ride goes on.

  • It Seemed SO Real

    It Seemed SO Real

    Since Richard’s death I haven’t dreamed about him. There was the one weird dream about him making comments on Facebook. But he hasn’t been in my dreams in person.

    Until last night.

    It was one of those incredibly vivid dreams. The kind that seem so very real. Intensely real. And Richard was there. Alive.

    I was standing there talking to him, in what seemed to be a kitchen, but it wasn’t our house.

    I remember telling him, “You really shook us up there. You’re kind of important to us, you know?”

    And he said, “Yeah… I know.”

    I’ve read many accounts of people claiming after death communications with their loved one. A lot of them see the person with maybe only an upper body, or opaque so they can see through them. And most have light radiating out behind them. This wasn’t like that at all. It was Richard in his normal body. No Hollywood lighting effects.

    And he didn’t come to tell me that he was happy where he is now and it was OK, like most of the other people have reported. He was just back, and alive.

    And I remember hugging him. And hugging him. And then I got Debbie to come over and join in. We had a big old group hug. And Richard hugged back. And didn’t protest. That should have tipped me off right there I was dreaming. Richard would never have gone along with all that huggie-wuggie stuff in real life.

    And I felt such intense joy.

    I joked with him that he’d have to come visit me in prison because they’d probably lock me up for insurance fraud now that he was alive. And I wondered who or what we actually buried out there in that big oak box anyway?

    I told him, “We have to tell everybody you’re back and alive,” and he said, “Nobody cares about that.” I assured him many people did care a great deal, such as his big sister for one.

    I don’t remember when Richard left my dream, but I know I dreamed more stuff and he wasn’t there.

    And I woke up. It took several seconds to realize I was in my bed. It was dark out. And then I knew it had only been a dream. And I was honestly stunned it had been a dream. It just seemed so incredibly real – the most realistic dream I ever remember having.

    I’ve posted this story in the “Comforting Thoughts” category.

    Yes, I was very disappointed when I finally realized it had been a dream. And the nightmare of Richard being dead again was disheartening.

    But seeing and talking to Richard in my dream, touching him, brought me comfort even when I was awake.

    And I don’t understand why.

  • Footprints

    Footprints

    I was in town this morning, so I went to the cemetery.

    The cemetery had been closed on Sunday because of the snowy weather. Today it was open again.

    As I left my car and started walking down the hill to Richard’s grave I looked out over the snow covered ground. There was one set of footprints. They led down the hill and turned to face Richard’s grave.

    I was struck by the scene.

    Here was a picture of the never ending and lonely love of a mother that has lost her child.

    You could feel the coldness of her sorrow in the snow.

    And yet the beauty of her love is there as well.

    It was a powerful picture.

    But of course I didn’t bring my camera. And I forgot my cell phone too.

    So I had to find a stock photo to use for this post. It’s not near as good, but I hope you get the idea.

  • Ambush

    Ambush

    Debbie needed something for show-and-tell time at the next Compassionate Friends meeting. She was supposed to bring something that was important to Richard or something he was proud of. The idea was for everyone to show their item and tell the story about what it meant in the life of their child.

    She asked me to think of something.

    Later I remembered Richard’s Frisbee in the trunk of his car. A lover of all sports, Richard often played Ultimate Frisbee. I thought about him smiling while he went all out, full speed ahead, trying to win.

    And wham, the tears started running down my cheeks.

    I wasn’t expecting that. But that’s how it still is, even after 8 months.

    You just never know when it will hit you or what will trigger it.

    I looked out the kitchen window and saw several bright red cardinal birds sitting in the lilac bush. From the sunroom windows I could see a cardinal on each of the bird feeders in the backyard and several more on the ground and in the trees nearby.

    In a Kentucky Wildcat Big Blue family, Richard professed to be a University of Louisville Cardinal fan. I think it was mostly fake. He followed UK closer than UL. But he loved to aggravate his uncle Stuart, his grandpa and me.

    Could all the cardinals have been a sign from Richard that he’s OK?

    Probably they were a sign that it was cold and snowy out, and they were just getting some food where they could.

    But who knows, I’m keeping an open mind.

    I miss you kid.